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What’s wrong with the Indian men?

sex-and-relationships Updated: Mar 22, 2011 15:03 IST
Shara Ashraf
Shara Ashraf
Hindustan Times
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Indian men, you need to mend your ways. A recent survey done across six developing countries reveals that Indian men are the most sexually aggressive. Twenty-four per cent of Indian men have committed sexual violence at some point in their lives, 20% forced their partners to have sex with them, and only 17% of Indian men could be considered ‘highly equitable’, says the survey carried out by the Centre of Research on Women, US, and Instituto Promundon in Brazil. The other countries that were a part of the research are Brazil, Chile, Rwanda, Croatia and Mexico.

So, what happened to theories that said that Indian men are family oriented, and have a deep set of values embedded in them since childhood? “It has a lot to do with their upbringing. In India, little boys are told that they are stronger than girls. That sparks off a dominating streak in them that stays with them throughout their lives and manifests in various ways, be it teasing a woman on the road or treating the wife like a sex toy in the bed,” says 25-year-old media planner Ananya Ahuja. Himadri Ahuja (name changed), a New York based IT professional who is currently dating an American guy agrees, “There’s a huge difference in the attitude of Indian men and their western counterparts. My ex was an Indian and believed that I was born to please him.”

A coupleLawyer Zainab Jabri, 30, also believes that it’s the ‘values’ learnt at home that affect . "Through subtle messages, parents often indicate that the girl will be going to another household while the boy will earn and would inherit the family’s wealth. Naturally they grow up believing that they are superior to women and may mistreat their partners later." "Why can’t we just tell little boys to be more sensitive towards girls rather than feeding their brains about such lame notions?" asks Jabri.

Psychiatrist Avdesh Sharma, says, another reason for sexual aggressiveness in men and their disrespecting attitude towards women, is the changing sexual norms of the society. “Men often have sexual experiences outside their marriage and expect the same from their wives. Exposure to porn also increases their expectation from their wives. When these are not met, it leads to conflict and aggressiveness.”

Mistreating women becomes a way of life for men. When their father slaps their mother, they hate it. But don’t hesitate in slapping their wife to end a fight.
Zainab Jabri, lawyer

Sex is a symbol of relationship in India. Men see sex as their right in the marriage. If they are aroused, they believe it’s the wife’s duty to relieve them.
Avdesh Sharma, psychiatrist