Why don’t women make the first move? Here’s what experts have to say | sex and relationships | Hindustan Times
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Why don’t women make the first move? Here’s what experts have to say

As 70% women in a new survey say that they won’t initiate a relationship, we ask experts why women choose to use the wait-and-watch policy

sex and relationships Updated: Mar 23, 2017 07:23 IST
Collin Rodrigues
The fear of rejection may stop women from making the first move.
The fear of rejection may stop women from making the first move. (Imagesbazaar)


In a relationship survey conducted by shaadi.com, about 90% men said they will make the first move in a relationship. Surprisingly, only 19% women said ‘yes’ and 10.5% said ‘may be’ to the question. As much as 70% said they wouldn’t make the first move.
In our country, men usually take the lead when it comes to making the first move. So, what is it that stops women from making the first move? Psychotherapist and life coach Neeta V Shetty attributes it to traditional and cultural reasons. She says, “The fear of rejection stops them from making the first move. Many women also feel shy to do so.”


The belief that it’s always the man’s job to make the first move may also be a deterrent for women. Psychiatrist Gittanjali Saxena says that men are usually handed over the responsibility to start the conversation and are the protagonist when it comes to socialising. She says, “Men by nature, will always go out and make the first move. This inhibits the women who have been conditioned to wait for men to make the first move. There is also a fear of being judged if a woman is the initiator. Women may also feel that they would be perceived as aggressive and not lady like.”

Long-held belief
Shetty says women also have their notions about why men should make the first move. She says, “When men make the first move, it makes women feel wanted. It also fulfills their romantic notions of men going on their knees and proposing them. This may also make them feel safe from the perspective of reading the guy’s overture in the right way.”

Shetty also points out there was a time when women who made the first move, when it comes to dating, were considered morally loose. She continues, “There may be some men who still have this frame of mind. There are no hard and fast rules. Because the dating scenario is changing, there are no specific gender defined roles anymore as more and more women are getting financially and emotionally independent. This independence is also making them to be decision-makers and go-getters. The rules of relationships are also changing. There is nothing taboo about the girl making the first move.”

Women who proposed to their partners

Pink -According to reports, in 2005, Pink proposed to her hubby, motocross champion Carey Hart, while he was in the middle of a race by showing him the sign ‘Will you marry me?.’ That was followed by a ‘I’m serious’ sign.

Kristen Bell-Bell proposed to hubby Dax Shepard on Twitter in celebration of the US Supreme Court‘s ruling favouring of same sex marriage in 2013.

Britney Spears-Spears proposed to her then husband Kevin Federline while flying from Ireland to New York, USA. She told a magazine in 2004, “We were a couple hours into the flight, and we’d been talking the whole time, stuff about life, wanting to have kids, the future and everything like that. It was an intimate conversation. And we’d always talked about how some people don’t have to get married when they’re in love. Then all of a sudden I said, ‘What if you want to get married?’ And I kind of went from there to asking him if he would marry me. I asked him... He said no because he thought it wasn’t the right way to do it.”