Why live a lie? Take Cyrus Broacha's love advice

  • Cyrus Broacha, Hindustan Times, Mumbai
  • Updated: Dec 21, 2015 18:05 IST

Like a girl, but don't know how to approach her? Or worse. Have you fallen in love with somebody else's girl? Funny man Cyrus Broacha comes to your rescue and doles out relationship advice in an unconventional way.

I broke up with my boyfriend after a year because of my studies. I have now realised how much I love him. But he doesn’t love me anymore. I can’t bear the fact that he has started liking another girl. Should I go to him and confess everything or leave him alone?— JD


It was Camu who said ‘Don’t finish my chips Margaret’. On that particular day, when Camu didn’t get any chips for dinner he also made his most memorable point, which was: ‘Children who put studies before their love will develop skinny legs.’ Homework and studies have their place, but they cannot be used as excuses to postpone love. Just like in one day you can eat, drink and use the bathroom, you can also study, love, drink, eat and use the bathroom, and in some cases, you can study while using the bathroom. Tell him how you feel. He has most likely moved on. Yet, for your closure, one way or another, speak to him, but never use excuses to postpone love. I’m married and we have a baby. My husband wastes money, and never buys me anything. When I insist, he buys things for my daughter and his own family. He complains to my in-laws about me. He threatens to hit me if I say too much. What should I do?— PN


Your husband seems to be self-centred, selfish, insensitive and a skinflint. Withhold sex, food and civility, but insist on a joint bank account. Explain to the buffoon that your marriage is about ‘we’ not ‘he’. You operate the account. Who says he gets to be a finance minister? And if he raises his hand on you again, go to the police station.

My husband spends a lot of time in Goa for work. I like a guy in my office. We have become very close. We are emotionally attached. But I don’t want to cheat on my husband. So, as hard as it was, I didn’t talk to this office boy for 15 days. But, one day, we saw each other, and started chatting. How do I stay away from him? — SA
While Shakespeare said, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’, he also said in the next line (which got rubbed off as he dropped something on it), ‘Too much absence makes you choose the boy in your office’. Marriages are like cars, they have to be serviced. And unfortunately, you are the mechanic in this case. If your husband’s sojourn is temporary, fine. But, if it is long term, better talk to him about an alternative. Otherwise, human nature coupled with loneliness, coupled with boy in tight pants, will lead you to stray. And I’ve never understood why two people who get married decided to live apart. I thought that was a divorce. This tech age is so confusing.

I’ve been in a relationship for four years. But, now, I feel like I don’t love her the way I used to. She has sacrificed a lot for our relationship. I’m confused. What do I do?— VJ


The short answer is, ‘End it.’ But my editor says I must write at least three lines, even if it’s the same line. Even if it is the same line (sorry needed to do that). The point is if you do not love her, you’ve got your answer. Why live a lie? You’ll end it sooner or later, anyway. You may not want to be cruel, but dragging her through a fraud is worse. Somehow be bold, you can do this by eating garlic, or playing Kabaddi without your clothes on. Respect her by ending it in a dignified way. And when you go to talk to her, wear a helmet.

just write to uncle cy
cyrus@hindustantimes.comAnd I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

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