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Why romantic relationships are driven by women

sex-and-relationships Updated: Apr 20, 2012 18:31 IST

ANI
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Based on evidence from mobile phone calls and texts, a new study has found that women drive the formation of romantic relationships.

According to a study of mobile phone calls, women call their spouse more than any other person, but that changes as their daughters become old enough to have children, after which they become the most important person in their lives.

It also shows that men call their spouse most often for the first seven years of their relationship and then they shift their focus to other friends.

The results come from an analysis of the texts of mobile phone calls of three million people.

Robin Dunbar, the co-author of the study from Oxford University, UK, said that the investigation shows that pair-bonding is much more important to women than men.

“It’s the first really strong evidence that romantic relationships are driven by women,” the BBC quoted him as saying.

“It’s they who make the decision and once they have made their mind up, they just go for the poor bloke until he keels over and gives in!” he said.

But the data shows that women start to switch the preference of their best friend from about the mid-30s, and by the age of 45 a woman of a generation younger becomes the “new best friend”, according to Dunbar.

“Human societies are moving back to a matriarchy.

“What seems to happen is that women push the ‘old man’ out to become their second best friend, and he gets called much less often and all her attention is focussed on her daughters just at the point at which you are likely to see grandchildren arriving,” he said.

The aim of the project was to find out how close, intimate relationships vary over a lifetime.

The team wanted to find out how the gender preference of best friends, as defined by the frequency of the calling, changed over the course of a lifetime and differed between men and women.

They found that men tend to choose a woman the same age as themselves - which the researchers presumed to be their girlfriend or wife - as a best friend much later in life than women do, and for a much shorter time.

This occurs when they are in their early-30s, possibly during courtship, and stops after seven years or so.

Women, however, choose a man of a similar age to be their best friend from the age of 20. He remains for about 15 years, after which time he’s replaced by a daughter.

The researchers say that a woman’s social world is intensely focussed on one individual and will shift as a result of reproductive interests from being the mate to children and grandchildren.

According to Dunbar, the data suggests “at root the important relationships are those between women and not those between men”.

“Men’s relationships are too casual. They often function at a high level in a political sense, of course; but at the end of the day, the structure of society is driven by women, which is exactly what we see in primates,” he added.

The study has been published in the journal Scientific Reports.