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Worried over losing your beloved? Take tips

sex and relationships Updated: Aug 07, 2013 12:01 IST
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You’ve had an amazing evening with a guy. Shared feelings about a variety of interests, felt intense attraction, perhaps shared some intimacy as well. And then, kaboom..he disappears from your life, never heard again.

You are left wondering what is it that you did or said that made him exit your social scene.

All these months he came on strong, saying everything you wanted to hear. Being the perfect mate for you. And then suddenly he turned cold and distant, and ended it.

The only way to explain this situation is that guys love to ‘chase’ thrill. It’s perhaps genetically ingrained in the male species. But then, so is the run part.

Is it the age-old fear of commitment? you wonder. It’s more than that. It’s the fact that while chasing you was thrill, sticking on isn’t.

Learn how to recognise the confident, stable men who don’t need to give you a bunch of lines when they first meet you, only to disappear after Date No 2. Learn to smell fear Guys are brave when it comes to killing bugs and watching scary movies. They’re chickens about intimacy and getting too hooked.

If he’s not ready to commit, he may bolt in a way that leaves you reeling and asking what’s wrong with men.

Some men go in and out of relationships through a revolving door because they don’t want to lose the initial rush and ego boost of connecting with someone new

Don’t give him everything With most guys it’s about making the conquest. They want to know that they can have you.

Once they get you, they don’t need to prove anything so they move on to the next woman who will prove to them how attractive, smart, funny and all-around perfect they are. The biggest myth about relationships is that men are afraid of commitment.

What men are really afraid of is losing the rush they get when a new woman finds them irresistible.

So how can you minimise the chance of getting caught in his nonsense?

Take it slow Keep the chase going. No one should give everything away in a relationship. Ever! If he comes on strong with a desire to see you constantly, don’t succumb. Even if it feels delicious to be desired.

Hold your ground and keep some distance by continuing to make plans with friends and scheduling solo time. Get friends to tie you down if you begin to revolve around him.

He’ll be too preoccupied with wondering if you’ll stay to get scared of going too fast.

People jump the gun, find themselves in something quicker than they wanted and get scared. Their reaction is to run away, rather than confront it.

When you take it at a slower pace, there is more communication, which is 100 per cent key for that, and you can talk about issues as you go.

In the beginning it’s all easy. But soon, issues crop up. Then people start to run. That’s usually someone who’s not emotionally available.

If you’re looking for people who are emotionally unavailable, that means you’re emotionally unavailable. Something is going on that makes you rush it.

Don’t go to extremes When you have other things going on besides him, he doesn’t feel as suffocated. Don’t get carried away by his enthusiasm. Keep a slower pace. Men who can’t control their fast pace begin to feel out of control fast.

If that happens, he may leave as you float on the exhilaration of finding the “perfect” boyfriend. Save yourself the pain of the dump and the questions you and your friends will have about ‘how could he leave when he was so into me?’ Any extreme reaction at the beginning has to really be examined. You have to be able to take a step back and look at that.

As delicious as it might seem, if it’s someone you are attracted to, you are sort of welcoming that attention. A wise person would take a step back, look at it and think. It takes two to dive into a relationship. If you’re needy for a boyfriend, it’s easy to ignore obvious patterns and enjoy the initial ride.

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