Fat isn’t necessarily bad: Seriously Cyrus | tabloid | Hindustan Times
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Fat isn’t necessarily bad: Seriously Cyrus

tabloid Updated: Oct 22, 2012 17:02 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times
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I am 16 and I have a crush on my brother’s best buddy. We know each other since kindergarden. I love him, but he just looks at me as a friend. I am afraid to tell him the truth because I am fat, and he might not like me for that reason. And if he tells my brother I will be in trouble. Please do something.
— Confused Soul in Love

Ms Confused be careful, your spelling of kindergarten is erroneous. The Germans don’t take kindly to their words being misspelt. Yours is not a case of lost in love, it’s a case of low confidence. Fat is not necessarily a bad thing, especially in bacon. Moreover, many fat people were super successful romantics. Oprah Winfrey
Lucianno Pavarotti, and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan..er ..spring to mind. I’m gonna tell you what I told Oprah, “First work on your self esteem and confidence. Only then can we take this further.”

I am 25 and I have been married for the last two years. Ours was a love marriage. My wife loves me a lot but at the same time, she is very flirty with her male office colleagues. Sometimes this happens even in front of me, and at times I find her cracking crude jokes on the phone with her colleagues. All this makes me insecure. But I haven’t raised the issue with her. Do you think I should worry and confront my wife? Do you think my wife could cheat on me?
— Nimesh

Nimesh there are three types of people on the planet: a) flirty b) non-flirty c) hairy. So she’s an ‘a’. But having an affair, that’s a different ball game. Let me tell you all three types have an equal possibility of having affairs. Flirty doesn’t give her advantage. What if you’re the chhupa rustum and she needs to worry about you? Don’t panic; blame the girl who invented monogamy whose put this unnatural pressure on all of us.

My girlfriend ended our two yearlong relationship with me about three months ago. We broke up because of trust issues. She was cheating on me with some other guy and once we ended things, she immediately got married to him. The other day I incidentally bumped into her and saw that she was pregnant. While dating me, we used to often have unprotected sex and she can’t have such a large baby bump just after four months of marriage. I believe the baby is mine. Please suggest me a way to find out the truth.
— M.K

M.K. I help with romance not science. My degree is from the London School of Romance and Love. Kandivali West. What your asking for is DNA or lab testing. This requires things such as a court order, a lab and, most importantly, parking availability outside the lab. You may need a lawyer, in which case I recommend my father who studied at London School of Legal Love, Kandivali East, next to Rustomjee School.

I am 18 and I study in a reputed college in the city. All my friends say I look hot and lot of girls often ask them about me. I know at least three girls who have tried talking to me, but I just ignore them. My problem is I am attracted to guys and if I tell this to my friends they will start calling me names. What do I do?
— Narendra

Narendraji, there is no problem. You like men. You’re gay and it’s a common enough occurence. You’re lucky, because in India it’s way easier to patao a man than a woman. I should know. I’ve been trying to patao women for 24 years. Don’t remain in denial. Get on with it. To rap here’s a list of famous gay men a) you, b) that guy there, c) you