‘Get a gun. Just end it,’ thought Caitlyn Jenner, contemplating suicide
Jenner explained she was so scared her transition would come out in public due to the photo taken that was taken that she couldn’t sleep all night and thought about killing herself.tv Updated: Aug 04, 2016 16:35 IST
Reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner has revealed she considered taking her life when a journalist took her photo coming out of a clinic, after an operation on her Adam’s apple.
Caitlyn, formerly known as Bruce Jenner, the Olympic gold medalist, says the journey of her gender transition was difficult especially due to the prying eyes of the media, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
Caitlyn said even though she was being pursued by paparazzi, she believed she could work around them. She was wrong.
“I always hated my Adams apple; they [paparazzi] would never know [of operations],” she said as she opened up to Bill Simmons on the latest episode of “Any Given Wednesday”.
Jenner explained she was so scared her transition would come out in public due to the photo taken that was taken that she couldn’t sleep all night and thought about killing herself
“I’m up at 3 am walking up and down my hallways... thinking, ‘Damn, all this shit is going to come out tomorrow and it’s going to be horrible.’ And I said, ‘You know what, easy way, go in the other room, you got a gun, let’s just end it right here.’“
“That’s like, the easy way out. No more pain, no more nothing. I don’t have to deal with the tabloids any longer. I don’t have to deal with any of this. And that was probably the lowest I’ve ever gotten,” she continued.
But, she went to sleep instead, she said.
The next morning, on a walk alone, Caitlyn, 66, said she thought to herself, “Wasn’t that, like, the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?” she said. “I thought, ‘What a terrible way to end your life’s story!’ I don’t want my story to end that way, on a negative note.”
That is when Jenner changed her mindset, she told Simmons.
“That was the beginning of me turning my thinking around to say, ‘OK, I think I can do this,’.”
Jenner told Simmons the past year and a half has been the “best of my life.”
“I have never been happier, more at ease with myself,” she said.
She added that the last time she was this happiest was during the 1976 Olympics because at that time she “couldn’t wait to wake up everyday and get it going.”
Caitlyn said transitioning has renewed her “excitement for life.”
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