Simi Garewal is now selecting India’s Most Desirable on Star World. It’s a new spin on her old show, Rendezvous with Simi Garewal, and the first episode featured Ranbir Kapoor.
But listening to Simi and to Ranbir’s mom Neetu Singh speak about him, you would’ve thought that Ranbir was not just India’s Most Desirable, but probably the World’s Most Desirable/Universe’s Most Desirable. Sexy, sensitive, soft-spoken, romantic, successful, lovable, intelligent — the effusive compliments poured out like an endless stream of treacle.
Ranbir had the grace to look a bit embarrassed — but not too embarrassed. His father, Rishi Kapoor, was more down-to-earth in his comments — if he hadn’t been there, even the TV screen might have turned slightly sticky.
So what did Ranbir do on the show apart from look slightly embarrassed (which should make him Even More Desirable, shouldn’t it?)
Well, for the most part he answered questions on relationships and girls, plus he had a tarot reading (why exactly?), drew a self-portrait, played the guitar, hugged a girl from the audience, complimented another one on her looks, and generally looked as if he were on his best Sunday School behaviour.
It was a bit like ‘let us all collectively worship at the altar of Ranbir Kapoor now; all hail the Most Desirable Ranbir!’
And what did Simi do on the show apart from wearing a dress that looked like it had just been through a shredder? Well, Simi was, er, Simi. When she wasn’t Kiki, that is. In between the show, Simi suddenly declared that she was going to act like a girlfriend, a very good girlfriend who took good care of Ranbir, but a girlfriend who also asked duh questions.
This girlfriend was going to be called, er, Kiki. And Simi wanted Ranbir to react to Kiki. Simi then proceeded to give an impersonation of someone who didn’t appear as much a girlfriend as a three-year-old with an IQ to match (actually a three-year-old might feel insulted, and an IQ of three is way too high).
Ranbir tried bravely to answer Kiki’s questions that bordered on idiocy, but I’m not so sure if viewers were that brave. Kiki is going to haunt me for weeks, I can tell you. I could be scarred for life.
In the era of twitter and slut walks, Simi’s genteel-coy-gushy manner seems dated. And if Kiki makes one more appearance — well, at the very least, Kiki the parrot (in Enid Blyton’s books, an appropriately dated reference) should sue her.
Sony’s X Factor has finally kicked off, in that the three mentors’ teams have been selected and begun their performances. The presence of music groups (mentored by Sanjay Leela Bhansali) along with the individual singers works quite well and provides interesting variety.
The three mentors (Sonu Niigaam, Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Shreya Ghoshal) also seem to have hit their stride. Worth a dekho.
And finally. So far, the two new shows on Star Plus and Sony (Is Pyar Ko Kya Naam Doon? And Bade Achche Lagte Hain) are still precariously holding on to some sort of watchability quotient. Both can get grating, but compared to the high drama and archaic sensibility of most Hindi serials, they are less offensive. But as I said, who knows what will happen?
When will Sakshi Tanwar — who seems so normal and sensible and different in Bade Achche Lagte Hain – suddenly transform into a boring bahu suffering in her sasural? But this time, I will be only too happy to be proved wrong.