February 19, Shillong
At an all-party meeting in Delhi, they discussed the names of politicians in Meghalaya:
“What comical names they have. There’s actually a chap who calls himself Hilarious,” said Prime Minister Winner of Hearts Lion, aka Manmohan Singh, chortling into his beard.
“You are a fine one to laugh, considering that your name is Winner of Hearts Lion,” said Beautiful Woman Freedom, leader of the Opposition in the Lok Sabha.
“He really has won the hearts of the people,” protested Lord of the Mind Versed in Three Vedas, generally known by his pseudonym, Manish Tiwari.
“Well, you’ll have to decide whether you want Winner of Hearts Lion or Conqueror of All Miseries Seller of Perfumes as your leader in the next election, said leader of the opposition in the Rajya Sabha Sun Jaitley.
“That’s a foul canard. Gandhi does not mean Seller of Perfumes. Though certainly Rahul will conquer all miseries,” shouted Reddish Brown Sibal.
“Oh yes it does,” insisted BSP lady supremo Full of Illusion, “here’s what Wikipedia says, ‘Gandhi is an Indian family name, meaning seller of perfumes.’”
“Why look in Wikipedia?” queried Light Karat, leader of the CPI(M). “If you look in Urban Dictionary, Moily is defined as “someone who is both moist and oily. Should we then call the Petroleum Minister Brave Moist and Oily? Why, you’ll be calling me Light A Measure of the Purity of Gold next.”
“What’s wrong with being a seller of perfumes?” asked Moonlight Astrologer, the Minister of Road Transport and Highways going under the alias of Chandra Prakash Joshi, soothingly. “Heh, heh, they have a guy called Moonlight Pariat contesting in Meghalaya. A cousin of yours?” chuckled Honeybee Flute Deora.
“The question is,” said Soft Lion Yadav, smirking, “who will the Indian People’s Party put up as Prime Minister? Will it be Lord of Men Modi or Beautiful Woman Freedom or even Red Dark Complexioned From the Village of Advan?” “Isn’t calling oneself Lord of Men arrogant?” asked Sky of Consciousness, the Finance Minister.
“Of course,” agreed Master of the Right Path Young Boy from Bihar. “Contrast our great but modest leader, Autumn Pawar,” said Cheerful Pleasant Patel.
“But can any parent name his son Hitler? It should be banned,” thundered One Whose Heart Is Full of Kindness from Tamil Nadu.
“Yeah right, that too coming from a chap who named his son Stalin”, sneered Goddess of Victory from Tamil Nadu. “Stalin is different from Hitler,” said Minister of State for Social Justice Napoleon.
Victorious Bolt of Lightning, CPI(M) leader from Kerala, thumped the table in agreement. Affection Banerjee from West Bengal said it was all a Maoist plot. Minister of State for Railways Restless Entertaining Holder of Four, also from Bengal, laughed loudly at that.
(Warning: This column has been written by Mind Emperor, whose knowledge of names is debatable, as it has come about largely through googling and wiki-ing.)
Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint
Views expressed by the author are personal