1) ‘Ye match to fixed hai’
They say cricket is a game of uncertainties. The Indian fan, however, disagrees. Any uncertain or out-of-the-blue event is declared by many of us as match-fixing.
Too many sixes in an over because the batsman is in the thick of form? Nah, “match fixed hai”. The bowler takes a hat-trick on a dead pitch? “Match fixed hai”. Even the umpire is not spared — not a popular call in a benefit-of-doubt scenario? “Ye match to fixed hai”.
2) ‘Maine bola tha India jeetega’
Make no mistake, most of the people who quote what’s written above do not shy away from dissing the Men in Blue. A popular saying goes: “Even the most fickle are faithful to a few bad habits.” The bad habit here is being obnoxious. These “experts” can predict anything in the game; the catch is that they make the prediction after an event has occurred. Easy, right?
3) ‘Bas, agli ball par out’ (every second over)
The self-proclaimed pundits have another trick up their sleeves — carpet-bombing of predictions. Throw at your friends, family and unamused spectators prophecies such as the one above and some are bound to stick.
4) ‘Uss chair par se uthna mat. You are our lucky charm, sitting there’
Superstition and cricket go hand in hand. Despite all the science involved in the sport, fans swear by elaborate rituals during a game. A study by researchers at the University of Cologne showed that activating ‘lucky’ superstitions via a common saying or action (such as crossing your fingers) or use of a ‘lucky charm’ improved sportspersons performances in various tests. Ah, redemption! *Puts lucky t-shirt in wash for India’s semi-final game*
5) ‘ODI cricket mein wo baat kahan jo Test cricket mein hai’
The version above is fast becoming “T20 cricket mein wo baat kahan jo 50-over games mein hai” or “Aaj kal ke players mein wo baat kahan jo Mohinder Amarnath aur Dennis Lillee mein thi”. Nothing is ever enough for us Indian cricket fans. Our era is always the golden era.
6) ‘Bas ye 50 runs bana le aur dusre har over mein ek six maar de, hum jeet jaenge’
With years of love and support for Indian cricket comes hopeless positivity. We never give up. We always find a winning scenario in our heads, however steep and unrealistic. Sometimes it bears fruit but on other occasions, we end up with broken hearts. The positivity, however, always finds its way back with a new tournament. The Indian fans can be best described as hopeless romantics.
7) ‘Itne ad karega to yahi hoga. Paisa iske dimaag par chadhh gaya hai’
All the romance gives way to lovers’ tiff. When a cricketer doesn’t perform, he has to face the wrath of his fans. This wrath is often based on unreasonable grounds.
8) ‘Yaar, ye slog overs mein yorker kyon nahin phaik raha, apna Ajit Agarkar hota to abhi khatam karr deta” OR “Yaar, ye slog overs mein sixes kyon nahin maar raha, lagta hai isne Lance Klusener ke videos nahin dekhe”
There is many a slip between the cup and the lip. International cricket is a hopelessly competitive sphere. Basketball legend Michael Jordan best puts in perspective: “Some wish it would happen, others make it happen.”
Those who make it happen know how tough it is to perform at will in the face of a world-class onslaught. Those who wish for it belong in a fairy tale.
9) ‘Abhi toh koi bhi 6 maar deta hai, top edge bhi 6 chala jata hai. Have you seen the thickness of the bats?’
It is very difficult for us to keep the “expert” within at bay. We play with bats meant for tennis balls but know all about the intricacies of professional equipment.
It would appear that with all the newfound aggression in world cricket, 6s are no biggies. The truth, however, is that each time we see the leather ball sail over the boundary, our hearts do the tango.
10) ‘Isse better captaincy to main kar leta’
“A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.”
Our captain, MS ‘Supercool’ Dhoni needs to be given all the credit at this point in the World Cup. He has led from the front. While we think we can do a much better job (in the fantasy world), in the real world, we need to stand behind Dhoni, paint ourselves blue and do what we do best – chant. “Jeetega bhai jeetega, India World Cup jeetega.”