Your idea of a good time is spending the day lustily cheering your team, even on days when its performance appears to rely more on fluke than India's meteorological department. Your friends and family disapprove of your self-imposed isolation and think you should spend less time feverishly clutching the remote and more getting some love and fresh air, such as it is.
"You need to hone moves outside the pitch," you've heard them advise sanctimoniously in their conviction that if rapid action is not taken, cricket scores are the only scores you'll ever get lucky with.
They are so wrong. Cricket fans are the amirs of amore without knowing it. Sitting on the razor's edge as you track your team stumbling, falling and soaring over years may have turned your body to mush but it has primed your heart and mind to survive emotional tsunamis unscathed.
The litany of lessons you get from just one cricketing season far outpace years of chasing potential partners, watching countless sappy romances or reading scientific tomes on the chemistry and anatomy of love.
So the next time people tut their disapproval, dismiss their reductive logic with insights learned from watching the masters on the field. These learnings show no gender bias and can be used by both men and women in search.
Your team wins some, your team loses some. You ride the steroidal highs, you survive the gut-wrenching lows. You cheer them on, you curse them foul. Yet you stick with your team, supporting them through their dizzying ride through the cricketing hall of fame even if it leaves your head spinning and your body wrecked and scarred. And you'll willingly go through it again, and again.
Strut your stuff
The saps may tell you otherwise, but love is a form of narcissism and it is always all about you. Irrespective of your batting average or your non-performance in the last season, you've to saunter out of the dressing room with the confidence of Yuvraj Singh. Convincing opponents that you are seasoned player who knows the game better than they do is half the battle won. The other half is performance, of course, but at the risk of mixing sporting metaphors, overselling does get you past second base.
Best foot forward
You can look like Virat Kohli and still date Anushka Sharma. Need I say more? Kohli didn't always hang out with the Bollywood star, performance on and off the field helped, as did a bit of grooming. Like it helped Sachin Tendulkar look slicker after he lost his "almost Afro" hairdo that made him look like a teen who didn't care, or Mahi look sharper after he got his overgrown locks shorn.
Of course, what you wear matters, but what matters more is how you take it off. Over the years, thoughtful players have taught us to take off shirts in one fluid movement with no thought to how ridiculous you may end up looking. And if the timing is right, how you disrobe the first time may become the defining moment of your relationship. Sourav Ganguly, for one, is as much remembered for his shirtless victory whooping at Lord's as leading India to the most overseas Test wins as captain.
All about trust and betrayal
They know you're there for them, but you're never sure whether they are there for you. Matches get fixed, matches are thrown away, and there's a lot of distrust and disappointment. You tear your hair and rant and rave, telling yourself and whoever will listen that you'll never ever watch cricket again. Yet, there you are, stalking the players on the field yet again, predicting their next move with a confidence that would make them uncomfortable enough to get a restraining order against you. You survive, and so does the team. There's always tomorrow.