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Twilight life lessons: How to romance a vampire and other magical beasts

A girl shifts to a place where it rains a lot. Meet a vampire there, falls in love. Meets a werewolf there, almost falls in love. Twilight ensues and things are never the same in Hollywood ever after.

hollywood Updated: Jan 13, 2016 14:14 IST
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s romance was the stuff teenage dreams were made of. As film had no sex, parents were not complaining either.

A teenaged boy falls in love with a teenaged girl. He is so beautiful that the girl is ready to die for him. However, he wants to practice abstinence. They still go on being in love with love.

A thin-blooded adolescent romantic film, you would say? Now make the boy a vampire and let’s call him Edward (Robert Pattinson). Make the girl Bella (Kristen Stewart)who also has a would-be werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) making eyes at her and what have you got? A multi-million dollar franchise which had 15-year-old girls and their grannies enthralled.

Read: Seven epic life lessons from Cheeni Kum

In case you were happily living in a cave last few years, the film was Twilight which was a huge success in book form (not the best of literature but the adolescents are not complaining) and equally well received in its onscreen avatar. You could also blame it for Fifty Shades of Grey (basically Twilight with S&M) and a plethora of paranormal teen romances.

Twilight paved the way for Paranormal romances on bookshelves and on screen. Think Vampire Diaries, think True Blood. (Twitter)

So, what do we know and what have we learnt from Stephanie Meyer’s mantra of Forbidden Romance? Here goes…

1. When they tell you anything can happen in America, they mean it.

Where else in the world can you meet a drop-dead gorgeous vampire, fall in love with him, meet his ‘vegetarian’ family, meet a few other vampires and almost become dinner for one of them? In her free time, Bella meets a bunch of Red Indians, some of whom are werewolves and become the teenaged crush of about-to-become werewolf with killer abs. And she does all of this while attending school, which you thought was a full-time job.

2.Being a vampire isn’t so much fun

Edward divested us of the belief that vampires sleep in coffins. He says they don’t sleep at all and he should know because he has been a vampire for 114 years. As he is young-ish like his vampire siblings, the family moves from place to place attending schools and earning degrees. That means a humongous amount of Math lessons! Damn, fanged teeth and sparkly skin does come with a steep price.

3. The best quality in a parent

Bella has a dad, he is the police chief of their small town, he seems to be good at his job and popular in the area. But you know what his best quality is? As Bella says, “He doesn’t hover”. Parents, take note.

4.Nice is boring

Edward and Jacob are not the only people charmed by Bella. There is another sandy-haired boy but he doesn’t stand a chance. You know why? Because he cannot transmogrify into a tiger or a bear. He is plain human and that’s boring. You always wanted to know what girls want and now you know.

Jacob is not just a pretty face with steel abs, he is a Werewolf too.

5. Ageing is a thing, even for teenagers

Bella is turning 18 and she is worried. Not about college or what career to pursue but the fact that she is getting old. We repeat, she is turning 18. So, next time, your significant other grouses about turning 30, switch off the TV and pay attention. Ageing can be a bitch. Bella chose being turned into a vampire than face gray hair.

You can get a facelift and Botox or get your friendly neighbourhood vampire to turn you into a glittering bloodsucker.

First Published: Jan 13, 2016 14:12 IST