The Bye Bye Man
Director - Stacy Title
Cast - Douglas Smith, Lucien Laviscount, Cressida Bonas, Carrie-Ann Moss, Faye Dunaway, Doug Jones
Rating - 0.5/5
The half-a-star that you see – without sounding pompous – has been awarded for one reason only: That someone, somewhere had a dream; to make movies, and somehow, through some miracle, managed to make that dream come true.
But The Bye Bye Man is hardly a movie. To call it one would not only be blasphemous to a 100-year-old artform, but also an insult to innocuous 5-letter-words in this, or any other language. To describe its plot would be akin to sentencing you to an eternity in hell, where you could, without any prior warning, have your tongue bitten off by a horned demon.
Would you like that?
The Bye Bye Man, aside from looking like a diseased Satanist, and ‘blessed’ with a name that would be more suited to a rather lackadaisical superhero, is perhaps one of the most embarrassing horror movie ghouls ever unleashed onto a screen. His only power, seemingly, is to infest unsuspecting prey and force them to recite his name.
This time, he’s set his sights on the most infuriating trio of entitled college kids this side of an American Pie movie.
Years of evolution (both human and cinematic), and decades of mastery of craft have all been wasted on this ‘movie’. Its problems are too many to list, but the biggest is in the way it is edited. It’s the sort of film in which a character proposes a nice cup of tea after a shamefully ineffective jump scare, only to proceed to chopping up an onion instead.
The Bye Bye Man, as it stands, is not a film in a releasable state. They fulfilled their dream of making a movie, but then, the most obvious question jumps up, scarier than anything the movie has thrown at you so far: Why?
Was this a story that needed to be told? Does it have anything remotely original to offer? Is there even a slight glimmer of redemption in any of its many distressingly boring scenes?
Why even have dreams when all you’re dreaming of is to make films like this?
Arrivederci, adios, ciao, auf Wiedersehen, au revoir, shalom, sayonara, namastaythehellaway from The Bye Bye Man.