Inner Realm: Forgiveness and Khima

Forgiveness is not about forgetting the event or condoning it. It is about not having an encore of the incident every day, in your mind. To put an end to your continuing misery. It is about knowing the One. About deep compassion.

Graham Stuart Staines (January 18, 1941 – January 23, 1999), an Australian Christian missionary, had been working in Odisha since 1965 as part of an evangelical organisation named “Mayurbhanj Leprosy Home”, caring for people with leprosy. In 1999, he, along with his two sons, Philip, 10, and Timothy, 6, was burnt to death in India by members of a militant group. In 2003, Bajrang Dal activist Dara Singh was convicted of leading the murderers and was sentenced to life in prison.

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Staines’s widow Gladys in her affidavit before the commission stated: “The Lord God is always with me to guide me and to help me try to accomplish the work of Graham, but I sometimes wonder why Graham was killed, and what also made his assassins behave in such a brutal manner on the night of the 22nd/23rd of January 1999.”

“... It is far from my mind to punish the persons who were responsible for the death of my husband Graham and my two children. But it is my desire and hope that they would repent and be reformed.”

Her affidavit is a supreme example of forgiveness. Something that very few can emulate. When such an incident happens, the loved ones are bound to feel hatred, anger, despair, pain and revenge. Yet our scriptures tell us to pray for the good of all, for “Sarbat Da Bhala”.

Our scriptures, however, offer us a method to feel the emotions and process them within a spiritual framework. We can acknowledge the uncomfortable emotions within ourselves, such as anger, shame or grief and then shift our consciousness to a vaster perspective. From that broader framework, the emotions release and resolve into peace.

This capacity to stay compassionately engaged even with those who have done harm to us is christened Khima in Sikhism.

Guru Arjan Dev ji describes the formula in the following in Bhairo Mehalaa 5 ll

First, I gave up slandering others.

All the anxiety of my mind was dispelled.

The Guru instructs us that when we stop slandering others, the mind leaves behind anxiety, greed and attachment. When we experience trauma, fear or pain, the instinct to lash out, to blame someone, shame someone, rage against someone, speak negatively about someone is a very normal way of life. Yet in this sloka, the contrary is suggested.

Accessing this state of consciousness is a tall order, no doubt. How can we cultivate the habit of not speaking negatively about others? This Shabad by Guru Naanak Dev ji illustrates this point.

Ahalyaa was the wife of Gautam, the seer. Seeing her, Indra was enticed.

When he received a thousand marks of disgrace on his body, then he felt regret in his mind. O Siblings of Destiny, rarely anyone knowingly makes mistakes.

Harichand, the king, and ruler of his land did not appreciate the value of his pre-ordained destiny. If he had known that it was a mistake, he would not have made such a show of giving in charity, and he would not have been sold in the market.

The Divine took the form of a dwarf, and asked for some land. If Bal the king had recognized Him, he would not have been deceived and sent to the underworld.

Vyaas taught and warned the king Janmayjaa not to do three things.

But he performed the sacred feast and killed eighteen Brahmins; the record of one’s past deeds cannot be erased...

I do not try to calculate the account; I accept the Hukam of the Divine’s Command. I speak with intuitive love and respect all.

(Translation Prof. Harbans Lal)

The compassion in this Shabad (hymn) is all-pervading and has its roots in knowing that there is only One. The omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent source of all.

It is not important to know whether the stories about Janmayjaa, King Bal, Indra etc are true or not. What’s important is that even kings, deities can get deceived, make mistakes. Compassion is the key.

It is said that Guru Hargobind went on a hunting trip with Emperor Jahangir only a few months after the torture and death of his father, Guru Arjan Dev (the emperor had ordered it). Similarly, Guru Gobind Singh ji presented a special robe of honour to Bahadur Shah when he succeeded the throne of his father, the Mogul King, Auragzeb. Even though Aurangzeb had caused the martyrdom of Guru Gobind Singh’s father and mother, his four children and countless Sikhs. This is difficult to fathom if we look at the event through everyday eyes. Yet, the Guru’s life stories exemplify the virtue of Khima.

Forgiveness, then, is not about forgetting the event or condoning it. It is about not having an encore of the incident every day, in your mind. To put an end to your continuing misery. It is about knowing the One. About deep compassion.

The path to self-realisation begins with one single step. Do not slander anyone. Try it for 15 days and watch your life change.

(The author is the principal chief commissioner Income Tax. Views expressed are personal.)