This week on Naagin 3: Snake woman books Bieber tickets to keep girl away from her man

Ever need concert tickets for international pop stars stat? Contact your nearest human-serpent, today. Offer valid till stocks last.

Like getting a lip-sync performance by a pop star after you bought concert tickets worth an entire month’s salary, Naagin was back on telly again this weekend to insult your intelligence. On menu this week was a lactose intolerant snake, casual self-diagnosed OCD, editing inspired by Christopher Nolan himself, a changeling groom, mixed-up brides and 1.5 hours of beating logic into a pulp with a sledgehammer.

Anita Hassnandani in and as Naagin.

Tyag Ki Murti decides to ditch her turd hubby-to-be when she finds him sipping wine with the paraai naagin in her hotel room. Rubbing pelvises and feeling up women at your wedding is okay Yuvi ji but drinking alcohol with them is just not! She leaves stomping her feet only to explode her gullibility in our faces again when his brother assures her the turd has a golden heart (which he uses as a golden harem for all his exes and hot naagins).

And behold, she puts on a golden wedding dress, walks through the golden walls of golden ignorance to marry the golden turd. Meanwhile, groom gets a golden ticket to go downtown with an ex one last time before the plain old TKM puts a chastity belt on him and throws away the key in a snake pit.

High heels killer lagdi hai mainu?

But little does he know that the woman he intends to get hot and heavy with is not who he thinks she is. The ex is actually the naagin... um...whom he also intends to get hot and heavy with. Clearly, this man would do it with a literal snake at this point if he could. The naagin called up the ex and lured her with tickets to Justin Bieber’s Mumbai concert (we all know how it went) and took her appearance.

Finally alone with the groom, she turns him off big time by telling him she is a naagin and intends to kill him. Such a mood killer. She puts her naagin costume back on but her inner Anita Hassnandani pokes through the character as she refuses to ditch the heels. Sankari bandeau bra on top, sexy stilettoes at the bottom.

It’s about 3pm in the afternoon but dark clouds form all over and it suddenly looks like 9pm in the night. “Dekh kaise achanak kaale baadal cha gaye...shayad inhe bhi tera kaal dikh gaya,” she tries to reason with us. Spare us. We know boom dada ate too many pakoras during the break, got acidity and had to be given six doses of Pudin Hara to recover before he could get on his feet and hold the mic again.

Anyway, at the stoke of pretend o’ clock, she finally kills the turd with her poisonous snake tongue and deadly sense of fashion.

But we not even halfway into the muck yet. Back at the wedding venue, the AirPod waale bhaiyya has taken the turd’s place at the mandap because he would rather trick the TKM into marriage rather than let her know he failed her trust. The toxic niceness at this place is just through the roof. The mother-in-law doesn’t let the girl know she is marrying her non-turd beta because what does she know about consent and who doesn’t love getting a surprise package behind a sehra?

The girl goes stomping off once again but comes right back when her father decided to sprint and dive into a canal now that his daughter will remain unmarried all her life. A stranger husband is better than a dead selfish father. Or is it?

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