The perfect TV boyfriend doesn’t exist. Here’s why, and how to cope

Green-flag boyfriends are all over TV. But look closely, even Logan Huntzberger and Jim Halpert are not exactly the ideal partner

First, they came for our fairy tales. “There’s no such thing as a knight in shining armour,” they said. “Don’t wait for one. Rescue yourself”. So, women did.

Gilmore Girls’s Logan Huntzberger was a charming cheater.

Then, they picked apart the top leading men in rom-coms. “Mister Right? Forget it. Men are simple creatures – their role is to save the world from aliens, terrorists, viruses or our own government. Don’t hope for reformed rakes and long walks on the beach.” Sigh. Women adjusted their dreams yet again.

So, when streaming networks started to depict everyday men who did more than the bare minimum, women were ecstatic. Finally! A man who wants to commit. He understands consent. He apologises. He’s ok with female ambition. He even does the dishes!

Turns out, this is a smokescreen too.

Exhibit ALogan Huntzberger from Gilmore Girls

Rory’s blonde-haired, silver-tongued boyfriend, Logan, is rich and full of promises. And every time he strayed or flirted a little too much, he didn’t just apologise, he went all-out to compensate. Flowers? Check. Teddy bears? Of course. His dad’s yacht? Why not! Only, this isn’t a good guy. He’s a gaslighter who can’t respect women.

Rita Mendonca, founder and chief psychologist at My Mind Gains, says that grand empty gestures are the very opposite of a green flag. It keeps loved ones in a cycle of disappointment and appeasement. “Classic ‘intermittent reinforcement’ occurs when love is inconsistent and the brain clings harder,” she says. “The gestures spike dopamine, and one starts mistaking chaos for passion.” Logan tricks Rory into believing that every argument was her fault, and even convinces her to steal a yacht. (With all that money he has, why?) As with many TV boyfriends, he wasn’t offering a mature relationship, just spurts of reckless fun.

Jim from The Office often steamrolled Pam.

Exhibit BJim Halpert from The Office

On first viewing, Jim is all kinds of boyfriend goals. He pines for a co-worker without making it creepy. He’s funny but won’t join in on sexist jokes with the boss. He’s a good salesman but is largely unambitious. He treasures the woman of his dreams, even ditching a fancy NYC job to have a chance with her. So, what’s the problem?

He’s too good to be true. No man puts in that much effort into a relationship – and no one should. Healthy relationships mean taking the other person’s feelings into considerations when big decisions (a house, a new job, a move to another city) are involved. It takes Jim nine seasons to realise that loving a woman doesn’t mean making her decisions for her. And expecting her to keep up her end of the bargain too. “Mutual regulation, boundary respect, and accountability are non-negotiable,” Mendonca says. It’s why they chose to fight at the end, so they could make up. “That’s what real equality looks like—not silence dressed as maturity.”

Jamie from Ted Lasso undergoes one of the most remarkable transformations on the show.

Exhibit CJamie Tartt from Ted Lasso

The once selfish and arrogant footballer undergoes one of the most remarkable transformations on the show. His relationship with Keeley was purely physical, his ego was off the charts, and he used his football skills to impress women. To be fair, he’s spectacular on the field. But relationships need more.

As he spends more time with Ted, Jamie goes from a self-absorbed showman into a raw, authentic human. He learns the value of empathy, teamwork, and connection, not just with Keeley but also with his teammates. The lesson to learn here: A woman does not owe you her love just because you’ve put in the work. Keeley doesn’t end up with him. But his ability to work on himself and be a better partner for her makes him a more realistic guy.

Steve from Stranger Things cleaned up his jock act. But he still has a long way to go.

Exhibit DSteve Harrington from Stranger Things

How could we not? Quintessential ’80s jock, Steve starts as the king of Hawkins High. He is cocky, narcissist, obsessed with his hair, and hangs out with haters. He smashes Jonathan’s camera, picks fights with Nancy, is the douche partner no one wants. It takes a devastating breakup for him to realise that to be a good boyfriend it’s important to first be a good guy. And that means stepping up as a big brother to young kids who’ve got bigger problems than high-school romance.

While Steve’s glow-up from bully to babysitter is heartwarming, let’s be real—one breakup isn’t enough to turn a bad boy around. Personal growth takes time, and some demons can’t be fended off by a nail-studded baseball bat. The show has one more season left. Let’s see how he shapes up.

From HT Brunch, April 05, 2025

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