What makes a good friend? Psychotherapist shares friendship green flags that matter more than common interests

From respecting boundaries to showing up, psychotherapist Dr Chandni Tugnait shares friendship green flags that matter more than shared interests.

We often see shared interests bring people together, but they're rarely what keep friendships going over the long run. Two people can love the same films, go to the same places, and still find that the friendship doesn't quite stay the same by itself when life gets complicated. What actually holds a friendship together is often quieter and less obvious than common ground.

Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD psychotherapist, life alchemist, coach and healer, founder and director of Gateway of Healing, shared with HT Lifestyle the signs of a healthy friendship you shouldn’t overlook.

Show up without being asked

Dr Chandni highlighted that there's a kind of friend who somehow knows when something is off even before you've said a word about it, and who appears, practically or emotionally, without needing to be explicitly called upon. That quality, of noticing and responding without having to ask, is rarer than it sounds and one of the greenest green flags out there.

A friendship that can only survive total agreement is always going to be fragile. (Pexel)

Have a disagreement without making it personal

“A friendship that can only survive total agreement is always going to be fragile,” said Dr Chandni. The ability to sit with a difference of opinion, to push back when something doesn't sit right, and to do all of that without making it personal or letting it affect the friendship is what makes sure that that friendship is the one for you.

Your wins don't make them smaller

“Genuine happiness at someone else's success, without any sense of competition or comparison, is one of the most telling things about a person's character,” highlighted Dr Chandni. A friend who can celebrate you fully, especially when their own life isn't particularly happening at that moment, is someone to be treasured.

They remember the details

Not in a performative way, but in the way that suggests they were actually listening to the last time you spoke. Remembering that you had a difficult conversation with a parent, following up on something you mentioned weeks ago, noticing when something you said once has since changed, these small acts of attention quietly tell you that you exist in their mind even when you're not in the room.

The friendships worth keeping are the ones that can survive distance, silence. (Pexel)

Time apart doesn't require an explanation

The friendships worth keeping are the ones that can survive distance, silence, and the ordinary disruptions of adult life without requiring constant maintenance. Picking up where you left off, without performance or resentment, is its own kind of green flag.

Note for the readers: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. Please consult a qualified expert for personalised guidance.