Gosh! It’s that time of year again! When Twitterverse is bombarded with New Year resolutions that have an expiry date shorter than some Bollywood careers.
Ask Asin or Mallika Sherawat.
Like the pixel-ated profusion that greets Tweeple, in the shape of Selfie-ism or Status Update-ism on New Year, there’s this other overdrive narrative – New Year pledges riding ‘high resolution’ or ‘low resolution’.
Since #NYWishlists have been done to ‘death’ (as much by the Pandemic as by Willpower breathing its last), it’s best to skip injecting another overdose. Better to leave all injecting to that 2021 Showstopper –The Vaccine.
Twitterverse is already overburdened with curious 2021 Wishlists, from a netizen who “will try to understand why I need Nine different email addresses” to another who “will try to work with neglected children – my own” to another digital native who’s pledged to “become even more toxic.”
Here are our own wacky wishlists that we would love to see.
To Be or Not to Be ‘High Res’
{{/usCountry}}To Be or Not to Be ‘High Res’
{{/usCountry}}Just like there’s a calendar for physically challenged people churned out by a Coimbatore NGO, New Year pledges, too, boast of their tribe of Tweeple – Resolution-ally Challenged.
Tweeple who are less challenged qualify as the “High Res” species of the Big Fat Resolution Maker. Even if only for the sake of some rhyming, they may manifest a poetic resemblance to the Idli Maker.
They are high on fluff of fulfilling New Year pledges. And like that Idli Maker wherein idlis don’t lose steam to fall flat, this tribe suffers less from withdrawal symptoms – withdrawing from executing Wishlists. Hence, higher on the resolution quotient (RQ).
The “Low Res” tribe of Tweeple are the ones really Resolution-ally Challenged and high on withdrawal symptoms.
Some wishful resolutions which we hope for:
“Papa Kehte Hain Bada Kaam Karega” – Inspired by cricketer Virat Kohli, how we wish India’s most eligible Bachelor Salman Khan too resolves to be eligible for Paternity Leave in 2021.
To Vax or Not To Vax Eloquent – Here’s wishing outgoing POTUS Donald Trump makes a New Year resolution to get injected with a magical vaccine (vax), nah not as a health safeguard but as a histrionics safeguard, that will prevent him from putting his foot in the mouth at Joe Biden’s swearing-in later this January.
Stand up for a pause – Here’s hoping parliamentarian-grammarian Shashi Tharoor resolves to take his stand-up comedy career #onemicstand to the next level so that Tweeple get a break from farragos ‘n’ floccinaucinihilipilifications and all that. Else, India Quarantining may be driven to declare a new national job cadre in times of job cuts and #wfh – Indian Dictionary Dive-o-crat.
Of Toxins & Vaccines
How can we forget Lollita, Lamba ji & Co when it comes to Wishlists.
Lamba ji is employed gainfully (painfully, for Lollita) in enlisting #Resolutions2021 to buddies on Zoom:
“I’ve resolved to do less Zoom, more Ghoom,” Lamba ji pats his pandemic-cultivated paunch pensively.
Other things heavy weigh on Lollita’s mind as she, too, chirrups on Zoom with BFFs, “I need to heavily detox.”
Lamba ji hears it wrong but takes a cue, “Gotta ‘ghoom’, else I’ll look a hippo Xerox.”
To implement his resolution of “Ghoom”, he pronto perambulates pantry-wards.
Lollita disseminates her Detox plan, “Less of Netflix”. Glancing over her shoulder to ensure Lamba ji is out of earshot, she coos conspiratorially, “And less of lockdowns with Lamba ji !”
The Curious Case of “Till snored ‘n’ bored to death do us part !”