Last month, AB matched with a woman on a dating app. Both felt the pull of attraction. But instead of setting up an offline date, or sharing any personal information, they decided to keep their real identities under wraps and stay anonymous. “Talking to a stranger feels more emotional. A stranger is harmless, turning interactions into a safe space,” says AB, a 31-year-old businessman from Navi Mumbai.
He says they chat every night about how their day was, what they’re watching. They share things they wouldn’t with anyone else. “It’s like conversing with someone in a dark room; like confessing to the priest in a church, rather than to someone who might judge you.” Yes, he’s aware that the person on the other side may not be single, or even a woman. But then, she probably has the same doubts too. Wait. Why does this seem so familiar? Didn’t Millennials try this out in the chatroom era of the ’00s, before the internet became the monster it is today?
To see it on hook-up-centric dating apps is a surprise. Who’d want to match with someone they don’t intend to meet? Who’d want to build a rapport with someone who wants to stay in the shadows? And where’s the filter for it on the app?
Mumbai-based Siddarth, 37, is withholding his last name to protect both himself and his anonymous online relationship. He likes the idea of being open and honest with someone he doesn’t know. “You get a clean slate with the person,” he says. And if the spark fades, or the other person wants more, you can log off without being accountable. It’s no worse than the artificial conversations on an app, anyway. “The floor can be lava any given time.”
{{/usCountry}}Mumbai-based Siddarth, 37, is withholding his last name to protect both himself and his anonymous online relationship. He likes the idea of being open and honest with someone he doesn’t know. “You get a clean slate with the person,” he says. And if the spark fades, or the other person wants more, you can log off without being accountable. It’s no worse than the artificial conversations on an app, anyway. “The floor can be lava any given time.”
{{/usCountry}}Hidden charge
For the past two years, Ishita Dutta, 31, has been chatting with a man online. The marketing professional from Guwahati says they hit it off immediately, but didn’t want to share too much about themselves. “We don’t find the need to meet offline because we are part of each other’s online time,” she explains. It’s low-stakes, low-maintenance, low-responsibility. “I am on the app not because I am lonely, but because I enjoy the energy exchange. What I share with a stranger is restricted. I know I won’t be judged for it.”
It’s sound exciting and therapeutic, until it isn’t. Samreen, 33, who tried it for a few weeks in the past, is keeping her last name private because she isn’t fully on board with living out the plot of You’ve Got Mail. Sometimes, staying anonymous simply means that the other person doesn’t want to bring effort or accountability into a relationship. What if this mystery is just pure laziness and you’re just being used for someone’s trauma dumping? “It also shows a lack of maturity, if you can only open up to a stranger.”
Closed circuit
Aili Seghetti, who runs The Intimacy Curator, a dating, intimacy, and relationship coaching platform, says that the resurgence in anonymous online relationships only means that we have a new outlet for an old desire. “Social circles, made up of familiar friends, colleagues and families, rarely allow a person to shed their personas and be vulnerable,” says Seghetti. That paper trail can restrict how honest we can be, even to those we love.
The Instagram era has made it even more pronounced. “Social media puts so much emphasis on positivity. Everything has to be perfect; it can get stifling,” she says. With someone who doesn’t know your background (and isn’t likely to) it can feel freer than even talking to a therapist. “Sometimes, it helps to not perform, and to talk about our anxieties without being labelled or shamed.”
But unlike therapy, it’s not a mental-health tool. For one thing, few people want to be a stranger’s emotional anchor forever. Non-judgemental listening can only go on for so long – eventually, even an anonymous friend will need context to understand why you’re sad, anxious, trapped or triggered. And few people want to invest in a chat that can get deleted forever on a whim. AB, one month in, is figuring this out. “A connection only fails when one person hopes for a long-term relationship and the other doesn’t,” he says. “But what if two people just want the same thing for the present moment?”
From HT Brunch, September 12, 2026
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