Finding the right partner is more than matching preferences: Relationship expert explains the difference between compatibility and attraction

Shared interests and similar backgrounds are not enough. Relationship exert explains how to recognise genuine compatibility in a relationship.

While marriage is considered one of life's biggest bets, knowing what you are signing up for can make the decision a little easier. Among all life decisions, the one that has to be the most meticulous is choosing your forever person. When it comes to finding a life partner, it is easy to be swayed by a well-matched profile. But that does not equal a compatible relationship.

Factors like height, age, community, education, income, and profession may help eliminate what’s ’not-your-type’ and narrow your options, but they cannot ensure how successfully two people will navigate living everyday life together. True compatibility lives in depth. What matters most is that you can build a meaningful life together while you grow as individuals. In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Arjun Bhatia, chief marketing officer (CMO) at Matrimony.com, explains how to assess real compatibility.

First things first, shared values

If beliefs and value systems differ, it’s a tough job to establish trust and eventually, respect in a relationship.

Understand each other’s communication style

Bhatia highlighted that communication is the starting point in any healthy relationship, especially a lifelong one. Emotions can be complicated, and communicating helps both partners understand each other’s feelings.

Having said that, different people process and express feelings differently. Some feel the need to vent immediately after they are overwhelmed, while others withdraw and resort to silence when upset. And while both are absolutely fine, if these differences are misunderstood, they can lead to misunderstandings and slowly build resentment.

People rarely change, but there’s grace in understanding their communication style and finding a way to communicate more thoughtfully. It’s also important to notice how a prospective partner handles disagreement, feedback, and difficult conversations. These are the indicators that tell you how strong the relationship will be.

Be on the same page about the big things

Direction is more important than speed in a marriage, and a strong match is built when two people are headed together on the same path. Honest conversations about personal and professional goals, finances, where you wish to live, relationships with parents, and thoughts on children matter. While priorities keep changing, it helps to start a marriage by being aligned on a broader level. Talk through how you each envision the next five to ten years. Not as two distinct plans that happen to share an address, but as a future you hope to build together.

Know yourself first

“It is crucial to be clear in your own head about what you want, before evaluating someone else,” said Bhatia. Be crystal clear about your own values, goals, and communication style. Self-awareness helps you present an honest picture of yourself and recognise what you are truly seeking, rather than settling for a polished profile that meets everyone else's expectations but your own.

Leave room for serendipity

The simple truth is that a relationship is not a one-time transaction. You may be introduced through careful consideration, but in the long run, it’s a leap of faith. You meet a person who was shaped by their own quirks, dreams, and circumstances, and so intention alone doesn’t work.

The simple truth is that a relationship is not a one-time transaction.

“A lasting relationship also requires understanding, caring and a willingness to adjust to each other, while giving one another the space to grow as individuals,” explained Bhatia. Allowing room for the other person’s unexpected qualities to surface, that no algorithm or checklist can capture, builds a connection that lasts a lifetime.

Note for the readers: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. Please consult a qualified expert for personalised guidance.