If we could remember how we felt at two, chances are they wouldn’t be happy memories — or so says science. If we could speak fluently at two, the conversations would likely be peppered with expletives (well, almost).
The next time the individual feels quite that unsettled is, typically, in adolescence. Both the terrible twos and the teen years are periods of discovery and the testing of boundaries, of rapid physical and emotional development, and monumental phases of learning.
This
If we could remember how we felt at two, chances are they wouldn’t be happy memories — or so says science. If we could speak fluently at two, the conversations would likely be peppered with expletives (well, almost).
The next time the individual feels quite that unsettled is, typically, in adolescence. Both the terrible twos and the teen years are periods of discovery and the testing of boundaries, of rapid physical and emotional development, and monumental phases of learning.
This turbulence at adolescence was broadly described as teen angst, stereotypically characterised by the slamming of doors, monosyllabic responses, sullen faces, new dietary preferences, sartorial surprises, defiant choices in music, and an overarching sense of stress and insecurity. “There’s also a forming of new groups and a greater degree of affiliation with that group. Choices, likes and dislikes are often shared. Approaches to privacy and decision-making change, all as part of a natural push for autonomy,” says K John Vijay Sagar, professor and head of child and adolescent psychiatry at the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS) in Bengaluru.
But that was then.
Angst is turning, increasingly, to anxiety as the stresses of adolescence meet the stresses of life in the 21st century. Teens around the world are growing up in environments of greater volatility, from heightened academic competition to rapid rates of change, a future of uncertain employment opportunities, the daily strain of social media and, increasingly, the climate crisis.
India has the largest adolescent population of any country in the world (253 million people aged 10 to 19). About 1 in 5 school-going adolescents lives with anxiety, stress and / or depression, according to a 2019 report by NIMHANS. A 2021 UNICEF study turned up a similar number: one in seven Indians aged 15 to 24 reported feeling depressed or had little interest in engaging in activities, it found.
WHY
“Today adolescents may not have the coping skills necessary to deal with the issues they face, which are greater than those faced by generations before them. Without healthy coping skills that stress can turn into something more serious,” says N Janardhana of Project SAMA, a research project focused on creating networks of support for adolescents in India, led jointly by the UK’s University of Leeds and NIMHANS.
A 2017 book by Jean Twenge, psychologist and professor at San Diego State University, points out that rates of reported anxiety and despair in high school students in America have been on the rise since 2012.
The book (titled iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood—and What That Means for the Rest of Us) refers to those born between 1995 and 2012 as iGen, the first generation that grew up in a world of smartphones and social media and does not remember a time before the internet.
“There was one societal shift over the past decade that influenced the lives of today’s teens and young adults more than any other generation: the spread of smartphones and digital media like social media, texting and gaming,” Twenge told Wknd. “Compared with their predecessors, teens today spend less time with their friends in person and more time communicating electronically, which study after study has found is associated with mental health issues.”
WHAT YOU CAN DO
One way to slow the onslaught from devices and social media is to create internet-free zones in the home. Whether you are an adolescent or are raising one, let it be known that there are hours in the day or spaces in the home where a call or text will work best, says Dr Samir Dalwai, a developmental paediatrician and founder of the New Horizons Health and Research Foundation.
Tie this in with a healthy schedule that aims to balance sleep, recreation, physical activity and device-free periods such as mealtimes. Ideally, limit social media to a certain number of hours a day.
Prioritise kindness, Dalwai adds. Social media is tailormade for snap judgements, of oneself and others. “It’s important for adolescents to learn self-compassion and compassion for others as an alternative to the vanity, judgement and overall performative nature of growing up on social media,” Dalwai says.
And let that be the start. Here’s what else you can do to help the adolescents in your life.
Make the time: Find things to do together. Try to take a real interest in what they enjoy. Whether it’s Fortnite or Instagram Reels, it’s over the things that interest them that you are most likely to have a real conversation.
Avoid negative validation: Refrain from telling a child to do better. Instead, use words of encouragement to indicate to an adolescent what you appreciate about them in a given context. So, “It made me happy to see you talking to the new neighbour” not “You should be more confident and speak up more”. Also, focus on telling the child what their options are in a given scenario, rather than the things they can’t or shouldn’t do. As they figure out who they are, there are bound to be inconsistencies. Preconceived notions of exactly who they should be can feel like added pressure.
Listen: Of course you want to rush in and fix things. This is your kid, and you remember being this kid too. But it will help your relationship with your adolescent if you learn to listen, with an open mind, without interrupting. Knowing there is someone to talk to, in safety and without judgement, is essential for anyone living with stress or anxiety. Create a safe space where your child can feel seen and heard.
Acknowledge the fears, however irrational they may seem: It’s essential that an adolescent (and in fact any child) learn that their thoughts and opinions are of value. If you want to help conquer an anxiety, it helps to be positive but realistic. Is weight becoming a worry to your your teen? Focus on health and how they feel, empathise with the struggle, avoid all labels and show pride in your child’s efforts to improve.
Remember the goal: The goal is never to eliminate anxiety, but to help your child to learn to manage it. Ask questions, offer suggestions. But let them lead. This is when they will learn to confront adult issues and arrive at possible ways forward themselves.
Ask for their opinion: In a world that is constantly telling them what to think, encourage your adolescent to think for themselves.
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