ERIKA TRACY is a provocative contemporary artist in her late 30s. Elliot, her assistant, is a dishevelled 23-year-old with an indifferent girlfriend and a pointless degree in “new media”. So he is all too happy to comply when Erika decides he will be her subordinate and “sexual muse”, dressing him in pink underwear and making him crawl along the floor. “With you I actually don’t have to make any decisions. I’ve found this amazing freedom in just letting go of
ERIKA TRACY is a provocative contemporary artist in her late 30s. Elliot, her assistant, is a dishevelled 23-year-old with an indifferent girlfriend and a pointless degree in “new media”. So he is all too happy to comply when Erika decides he will be her subordinate and “sexual muse”, dressing him in pink underwear and making him crawl along the floor. “With you I actually don’t have to make any decisions. I’ve found this amazing freedom in just letting go of control,” he gushes. “I know,” Erika replies. “You’re welcome.”
“I Want Your Sex” is the latest iteration of the older-woman-younger-man story that Hollywood has been telling with ever-greater frequency. Consider “The Idea of You”, about a divorced gallerist’s unlikely tryst with a boyband star, or “Babygirl”, about a ceo’s unusual management of her intern. You may recall “Dreams” (about a socialite’s affair with an undocumented Mexican immigrant), “Vladimir” (a professor’s obsession with a younger colleague) or “Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy” (fairly self-explanatory). Reality shows such as “MILF Manor” and “Age of Attraction” have got in on the action, too.
True, the dynamic has intrigued screenwriters for decades. Mrs Robinson—viewers never learn her first name—is an almost cartoonish vixen in “The Graduate” (1967); the character established the archetype of the alluring older lady. “American Pie” (1999) featured a buxom vamp known mostly as “Stifler’s mom”. Shows such as “Cougar Town” dramatised the thrills of a younger boyfriend.
But what is notable about the current trend is that such relationships are increasingly happening off-screen, too. In 2023 women were older in 22% of unmarried, cohabiting heterosexual couples in America, up from 14.5% in 1995.
Last year a study of single American adults by Match.com, a dating website, found that 30% of men had dated someone at least ten years older. On Feeld, “a dating app for the curious”, 73% of men seeking relationships with older women are aged between 18 and 25, up from 65% two years ago. It is “one of the clearest shifts we’re seeing”, the company says.
May-December, all year round
Women are feeling the heat. On a recent evening in Paris, a 59-year-old says nine men have approached her on Hinge, another app, in the past few hours. Four were in their 20s; one of the oldest was 42. (“That starts to feel old and reasonable.”) At least three-quarters of the men who message her are under 40, she estimates.
What’s behind the trend, both in entertainment and real life? There are a few reasons. One is celebrity influence. It was scandalous in 2005 when Demi Moore (then 42) married Ashton Kutcher (then 27). But these days plenty of women d’un certain âge, including Kris Jenner, Jennifer Lopez, Tilda Swinton and Madonna, have dated younger men.
Another reason is a greater understanding of sexuality: it is, in short, what lots of women want. Justin Lehmiller of the Kinsey Institute, a research centre, surveyed heterosexual Americans for a book published in 2018. He found that 64% of middle-aged women had thought about sex with a younger man at least once, and 13% frequently fantasised about it.
Pornography data suggest it is what lots of men want, too. Holly Randall, an adult-film producer who hosts a podcast on the industry, pointed out that back in the era of dirty magazines and DVDs, a handful of directors and distributors served as gatekeepers. “Milfs did not exist 15, 20 years ago,” she has said. “When you were, like, 28, you were done, your career was over.”
Yet sexual appetites turned out to be far more varied than those gatekeepers had imagined. “Milf” was the second-most searched term on PornHub last year. Adult-content platforms such as OnlyFans allow models of any (legal) age to set up shop. Some women in their 50s and 60s are doing “incredibly well”, Ms Randall said.
Broader demographic trends may also be playing a role in the older-woman-younger-man match-up. Many rich countries report a yawning gap in the two sexes’ level of education. This is reflected in job prospects and earnings: a rising share of 20- to 24-year-old men are not studying, working or looking for work. The attitudes of young men and women are drifting apart, too, with women becoming more liberal as young men lean to the right.
Young men may be less attractive to women their own age. But to older women, what they lack in social and economic capital, they make up for in the bedroom (and without needing to resort to Viagra). A small-sample study in 2024 found that women whose partners were approximately seven to ten years younger were happier and had more sexual confidence compared with those with same-age partners.
The final reason may lie in recent social movements. Some young men today feel unsure of the rules of courtship in what is often a wary consent culture. In the study by Match.com, 72% of Gen Z respondents reported “more passivity in making the first move” (compared with 63% overall). Many fear public rejection.
In “Vladimir”, the married professor reminisces about the unpredictability and sizzle of sexual pursuit. She tells her students that romance was more thrilling when it was perilous. Love affairs that “left you a little bruised—I mean, emotionally, of course—were considered, within reason, really kind of fun”. On screen, at least, older women usually know what they want and they are not afraid to ask for it.
However, in Hollywood films, as in marriages, younger men are rarely seen as viable long-term partners. (Just ask Ms Moore, who is now divorced.) Data from Pew, a pollster, bear this out: the share of American heterosexual marriages where the woman is at least three years older has hovered at about 10% since 2000.
Instead, youthful partners are catalysts for self-actualisation and professional success. In “I Want Your Sex” Erika turns her homemade sex tapes of Elliot into an art installation and tricks him into a stunt to save her career. Once the professor in “Vladimir” finally sleeps with her hunky crush, she realises that sex was not the point. It was that feeling desire “was invigorating...it gave me this”, she says, gesturing towards the manuscript of her new book. Young bucks, beware.
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