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Spectator by Seema Goswami: Honey, let’s split up
Do you and bae have different holiday styles? Don’t bicker. Don’t bore each other. Just part ways – for a few hours
There are probably as many kinds of holiday-makers as there are types of holidays. There are those who like to flop down on a beach and never stir until the sun goes down. And then there are those who can’t get enough of water sports, trying everything from jet skiing to snorkeling to deep-sea diving. There are those who get up early to hit the gym and make sure they get in their required cardio even before the day begins. And then there are those who don’t want any more exercise than that required to pick up their cocktail glass from off the poolside bar.
And the funny thing is that, all too often, these two types of people are married to one another. As you can imagine, it makes for an interesting holiday dynamic.
In my own case, I am the hyper-organised one, who likes to make lists of everything, from what to pack to which monuments to visit. If possible, I like to shortlist a few restaurants in every city. And I read every travel article on my destination so that I know what to expect, look forward to, and yes, avoid. On the contrary, my husband is all for complete spontaneity when we set out on holiday. The only thing he devotes time to is finding a good hotel. But once that’s booked, he would rather leave everything to chance. His idea of a perfect holiday is waking up every morning with no idea of what the day holds, and then deciding what to do depending on our mood.
How, you ask, do we reconcile these two opposing ways to vacation without biting each other’s heads off when we are on holiday? Well, the trick is to meet each other half-way. The way we compromise is that I get to structure one part of the vacation and he gets to do his spontaneous stuff on the other. And that formula seems to have worked so far.
We are lucky in that neither of us likes to shop or even window shop. But I know plenty of couples where one party likes to spend hours browsing the local markets, while the other gets spectacularly bored. And for them, I can only suggest that they take some time off from each other and indulge in their own thing without imposing their choices on their partner.
One of my friends, for instance, is always despairing of the fact that her husband’s idea of a holiday is flopping down on his hotel bed and only leaving the room to go for massages in the spa. After berating and hectoring him for many years, she has finally made the (eminently sensible) decision of going off on her museum visits on her own instead of dragging a recalcitrant spouse along. That way, they can meet for dinner after a day well-spent and enjoy each other’s company. Which wouldn’t have been an option if they had been bickering all day long.
So, if you are a dedicated sunbather stuck with a devoted sightseer (or vice versa) you know what to do. Carve out time for each of you to do your own thing. And then, come back together refreshed and ready for a reunion. That way, you will enjoy both the holiday and each other better.
From HT Brunch, May 24, 2025
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