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Spectator by Seema Goswami: No roses, just romance
Had enough of Valentine’s Day cliches? How about honouring real love, every day, with a million little gestures that matter?
Valentine’s Day is behind us and it is safe to come out from hiding without being bombarded by offers to buy roses, send chocolates, make dinner reservations, book a mini-break, or propose marriage to your significant other. It is has now become de rigueur to complain about the ‘commercialisation’ of Valentine’s Day – and I do, in fact, complain about that – but what annoys me most about the V Day ad blitz is that I don’t really recognise the version of ‘romance’ that is being sold to us. Not only is it needlessly performative, it also doesn’t resemble anyone’s lived reality.
So, what, you ask, do I consider to be romantic? What would make the cut if I were looking for romance in a relationship (and who isn’t?). Well, here are just some gestures that epitomise ‘romance’ to me; and the best thing is that you don’t need to wait for Valentine’s Day to come around again to make these gestures for your better half.
There is nothing more romantic in my book than making a cup of coffee (or tea, or hell, even a martini) for your partner without being requested to do so. It could be first thing in the morning so that they wake up to the aroma of freshly roasted beans. It could be to greet them when they come home after a long day at work. But no matter what the time or occasion, there is nothing quite so lovely as having your partner do something thoughtful for you (and this is crucial) without being asked.
Spontaneous gestures of affection don’t get the importance that they deserve in most long-term relationships. Just stroking the back of your husband’s neck as he works in the study; stopping to drop a kiss on your wife’s head as she reads the morning newspapers; hugging your spouse goodbye and hello; every one of these gestures makes the recipient feel loved and cherished. Do them often enough and they will not just strengthen your bond but also deepen it in crucial ways.
Surprise your partner as often as you can. You can, of course, make the grand gesture and book a weekend getaway or even a music concert without letting him/her get wind of the fact. But even smaller surprises do the trick as long as you put some thought into them. Buy him croissants from his favourite bakery for Sunday breakfast. Gift her a subscription to a flower delivery service that will send fresh flowers every week.
Most of us fall out of the habit of telling our partners we love them every day. But even if we don’t verbalise our love, there are plenty of ways in which we can express it in daily life without saying those three little words. Covering your partner with a blanket as she falls asleep on the couch watching TV. Giving him a shoulder rub as he finishes a long stint in front of the computer. Making his/her favourite food over the weekend, even if it needs hours and hours of prep. Or just holding his/her hand as you sit in the doctor’s reception waiting for that tiresome yearly check-up. All of these gestures spell romance more than a bouquet of red roses ever could.
From HT Brunch, February 15, 2025
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