There are no words to describe the horror that every woman felt when the facts of the rape and murder of a young woman doctor at RG Kar Medical College and Hospital in Kolkata came to light. Sadly, though, there were enough men who found it within themselves to shout “Not All Men” on social media when they were confronted with women expressing shock, sadness and, indeed, anger, at this horrific incident.
Of course, they are right, to the extent that not every man is a rapist. But it is equally true that every single woman – and believe me, it is Every Single Woman – has faced sexual molestation of one kind or another at some stage in her life. In fact, to be a woman in India is to live with the constant fear that one day the rape story in the newspaper could be about you. And every woman who reads about any such incident has the same thought in her head: There, but for the Grace of God, go I…
No man can possibly understand what it means to live as a woman in this country. For starters, you have to live in a state of constant vigilance, never letting down your guard, just in case some threat was to present itself. Men walk down deserted streets without giving it a second thought; women would never venture into the shadows for fear of what they would find. Men can hail a cab to go back home late at night and nod off without a care in the world; women will take a picture of the number plate and share it with friends, map the route, and stay alert just in case things went awry. No man I know has ever considered pepper spray on his person or clutched a bunch of keys in his hand as an improvised weapon; every woman I know has done both at one point or another.
What’s worse is that it’s not just stranger danger that a woman has to guard against. She doesn’t just have to worry about the man pressing himself against her on public transport but also about the boss who makes lewd remarks about her figure. It’s not just the man at the street corner who shouts vulgarities at her who is the problem; it’s also the lecherous uncle who has been feeling her up since she was a child. Not only does she have to guard against all these predators, she also has to constantly police herself so that she doesn’t “provoke men” or give them “the wrong idea”. And that’s harder than it sounds because anything from a loud laugh to a sleeveless blouse or a short skirt can set these men off – because, don’t you know, she was “asking for it”.
{{/usCountry}}What’s worse is that it’s not just stranger danger that a woman has to guard against. She doesn’t just have to worry about the man pressing himself against her on public transport but also about the boss who makes lewd remarks about her figure. It’s not just the man at the street corner who shouts vulgarities at her who is the problem; it’s also the lecherous uncle who has been feeling her up since she was a child. Not only does she have to guard against all these predators, she also has to constantly police herself so that she doesn’t “provoke men” or give them “the wrong idea”. And that’s harder than it sounds because anything from a loud laugh to a sleeveless blouse or a short skirt can set these men off – because, don’t you know, she was “asking for it”.
{{/usCountry}}It’s an exhausting way to live and that, quite frankly, is what every woman is: Completely and utterly exhausted. Exhausted trying to find a safe space where she can simply exist without worrying about where the next attack might potentially be coming from. Exhausted because there seems to be no end in sight to the constant threat of sexual violence. And exhausted by the physical, mental and emotional toll this constant hypervigilance takes on her.
“Not All Men,” you say? Probably. But it is “Every Single Woman”.
From HT Brunch, August 24, 2024
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