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The hitch with the sitch. Making sense of situationships
Isn’t situationship just another term for friends-with-benefits? A look at why folks are using the vague term to both open up and hide their feelings
It seems like the perfect third date. You’ve both dressed up, the conversation is flowing without any liquid courage, you’re vibing. And then the other person drops this bomb: “I told my friends about our situationship”. Nothing like throwing in a new, confusing term to ruin the evening. No one’s getting lucky tonight.
What’s a situationship, anyway? Isn’t it the old friends-with-benefits in a crop top? Both have non-committal approach to relationships. Neither wants a forever. Both champion open communication and friendship. And sex, both scenarios aim for a no-strings good time.
Situationship, coined in 2017 by sex-and-relationships writer Carina Hsieh, started out with little fanfare. But in 2022 a survey conducted by Tinder showed that young singles viewed it as a valid relationship status.
Why add one more word to the complicated world of dating? Psychologist Hansaji Yogendra, who is also director of The Yoga Institute in Mumbai, believes the term emerged to serve a new generation, and its own complications. “It captures a modern reality,” she says. “Where traditional labels often fall short, ‘situationship’ acknowledges that emotional involvement is present along with uncertainty. It’s an accurate description for connections that don’t neatly fit conventional moulds.”
Boyfriend and girlfriend sound too tol-fashioned. Exclusive and Seeing Each Other implies some kind of seriousness. Let’s not forget that most singles under the age of 30 have grown up prioritising authenticity and valuing emotional connections over socially prescribed roles. Perhaps Friends-With-Benefits, then, just seems crass and empty.
What young folks don’t always know is that avoiding labels can actually cause more confusion. Couples who won’t have the “What are we?” conversation fail to define the relationship, set expectations or draw boundaries.
A March 2023 survey by the Real Research app attempted to gauge public opinion about the term situationship. It found that 43.1% people believe it reflects the pragmatic approach that the younger generation takes to most of their needs. About 40% agreed that situationship should be considered an official relationship status, with 30.34% agreeing that the current generation generally prefers situationship over committed relationships.
It leaves many in the dating pool in a bind. Does a person’s inconsistent behaviour over a few dates mean they’re looking for a situationship, or are they merely a jerk? Is the term a convenient way for someone to stay emotionally disengaged regardless of the other’s expectations? What are people hiding behind the vague label?
The term may seem hazy, but that’s no reason to be an emotional wreck. The trick is to walk away from a relationship, regardless of its title, if it isn’t working out. Assess whether both parties in a situationship have the same goals and expectations. Keep an eye out for communication breakdowns, repeated confusion, or unmet emotional needs. As Kelly Clarkson put it in 2004: “I’m looking for attention, not another question.. should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don’t have the answer, why you still standin’ here? Hey, hey, hey, hey...Just walk away.”
Could you be in a situationship?
1. If the person you’re seeing seems content to keep things as casual or as serious as you want too. YES
2. If it’s starting to seem like you want more, but they refuse to be clear about their feelings. NO.
3. If there has been an honest two-way conversation about keeping it casual. YES
4. If one person thinks confusion is a free pass to being hurtful or disrespectful. NO
