From swipes to self-worth: Dating coach reveals how apps are changing confidence and communication

Dating apps have changed how people meet, communicate and view themselves. Dating experts Kshitij Sehrawat and Divya Jain explore the impact.

Dating apps have transformed the way people meet, communicate and navigate modern relationships. While they have made it easier to connect with potential partners, they have also introduced new pressures around appearance, validation, rejection and self-worth.

According to dating coach Kshitij Sehrawat, the impact of dating apps goes beyond the simple act of matching with someone. The culture of swiping and matching has also changed the way people evaluate themselves and others.

“Dating apps have changed the way we communicate, but they have also changed the way we measure ourselves. We have started reducing people to numbers, ‘I’m a 7, how do I get a 7?’, as if dating were a report card rather than a human connection. That can make confidence incredibly fragile. A match can feel like validation, while rejection can feel like a verdict on your worth,” Kshitij says.

According to Kshitij, one of the biggest changes brought about by dating apps is the way people communicate before meeting in person. Profiles, prompts, photographs and messages have become the first point of connection, often replacing the spontaneous conversations that traditionally happened in real-world settings.

“The bigger issue is relying on an algorithm to do the work that human interaction has traditionally done. Communication becomes compressed into prompts, photographs, emojis and carefully constructed profiles. You can optimise a profile, but you cannot optimise chemistry,” he says.

He believes dating apps should be treated as one way of meeting people rather than becoming the entire dating strategy. “My advice is simple: use dating apps as a tool, not as your entire dating strategy. Understand how they work, use them on your own terms, but don’t become dependent on their validation. We’re already seeing people move towards real-world interactions, run clubs, communities, matchmaking and social spaces, because face-to-face conversations reveal nuances that a profile never can,” Kshitij says.

Dating confidence starts with self-awareness rather than fitting identities.

He also believes dating confidence begins with understanding what you want and how you communicate, rather than trying to fit into a particular identity. “Ultimately, better dating starts before the first swipe. Know what you want, understand your boundaries and stop defining yourself as ‘shy’, ‘introverted’ or ‘not attractive enough’. Those are patterns, not identities. Confidence grows when you realise you are not a fixed profile, you are capable of changing how you communicate, connect and show up,” he adds.

From validation to authentic connections

Podcast host and entrepreneur Divya Jain believes dating apps have also influenced how people present themselves. “Dating apps have changed more than how we meet people; they have changed how we present ourselves and, in many ways, how we measure ourselves. The swipe culture has made confidence more visible but also more fragile, one match can validate you, while repeated rejection can make you question yourself,” Divya says.

According to her, however, the nature of online dating is also evolving. People are increasingly looking beyond perfectly curated profiles and becoming more interested in personality, values and authenticity.

“The real shift, however, is in communication. People who may once have struggled to initiate a conversation now have a digital space to articulate their interests, humour and expectations before meeting someone,” she says.

“What I find particularly interesting is that dating is slowly moving away from performance towards personality. We are seeing a growing appetite for authenticity, people want to know what someone genuinely thinks, values and enjoys rather than simply looking at a perfectly curated profile,” Divya adds.

While dating apps aid self-expression, they can also impact self-worth negatively.

Confidence should not depend on matches

While dating apps can help people become more comfortable expressing themselves, Divya says there is a difference between building confidence and constantly seeking validation.

“But there is an important distinction between being confident and being constantly validated. A healthy dating experience should help you become more comfortable expressing yourself, not make your self-worth dependent on matches, replies or someone else’s approval,” she says.

For her, some of the most valuable communication lessons that can come from dating apps are also among the simplest. “The strongest communication skill dating apps can teach us is surprisingly simple: be clear, be curious and be comfortable with rejection. In that sense, dating apps are not just changing modern romance; they are becoming a mirror for how a generation is learning to communicate, set boundaries and show up as itself,” Divya says.

Ultimately, dating apps may have changed the mechanics of modern dating, but the fundamentals of connection remain largely the same. A profile can create an introduction and a match can open a conversation, but meaningful relationships still depend on communication, curiosity, compatibility and the ability to be comfortable with who you are.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.