Review: The Woman In Me by Britney Spears
The pop star’s memoir, that mulls over her dysfunctional family, toxic romantic relationships and the abusive conservatorship, reflects on her tumultuous life
The Woman In Me by Britney Spears is one of those celebrity memoirs you think you have read without actually reading it — thanks to the bombshell revelations which made headlines days before the memoir even hit the shelves. To that end, The Woman in Me doesn’t disappoint. In the initial chapters, Spears uses her razor sharp memory to construct the Spears family tree, starting with her great grandmother down to her brother Bryan and sister Jamie Lynn. She also mentions that her paternal grandma Jean was institutionalised and later died by suicide on her son’s grave.
As a child, Spears would lock herself in the cabinets of the family home in Kentwood, Louisiana. “Where is Britney now?” her mother would ask and she would come running out to hug her. Spears remembers this as one of the few moments in her childhood when she was at peace. From occupying space in cabinets to making her presence felt in Broadway, VMAs, the Grammys and eventually all over the world, Britney became a force to be reckoned with,
Britney had a rough childhood with an alcoholic father who was almost always absent, a pageant mom who used her daughter as a cash cow, often working her to exhaustion, and unsupportive siblings — this was even before she landed on The Mickey Mouse Club as an eight-year-old.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family with narcissistic parents, she couldn’t handle the fame like her contemporaries. In a moment of unfiltered honesty, Spears writes: “I actually envy the people who know how to make fame work for them”. That’s someone like Jennifer Lopez who Spears believes knows whom to engage with and whose opinion to ignore. In the initial chapters, Britney prances through the initial years of her career — her rise to fame with singles Baby One More Time and Oops!... I Did It Again — without offering the additional context and “juicy” behind-the-scenes trivia that’s usual in tell-all memoirs.
Instead, she narrates each highlight of her career in a matter-of-fact manner — the infamous kiss with Madonna at 2003 VMAs, the drunk Vegas wedding, the infamous 2007 Gimme More medley, without offering any depth. If you are looking for details on how the controversial VMA performance with Madonna, Britney and Christina Aguilera was put together, you might have to read the Rolling Stone article on it.
As Britney goes through the checklist of these events at lightning speed, she addresses in detail her relationship with singer and former NSYNC bandmate Justin Timberlake, who, she says, forced her to get an abortion at home, without anesthesia. The description of pain and blood, in addition to the complete violation of a woman’s bodily autonomy is horrific. Besides holding Justin accountable, Britney also holds up a mirror to the toxic tabloid culture of the 2000s — Hollywood Reporter, TMZ — for judging her parenting and fat shaming her after two back-to-back pregnancies. For those familiar with Britney’s tumultuous life and career, none of this is news.
So it’s not a surprise that the best bits in the memoir are the small intimate moments of the performer’s day-to-day life that few are privy to — like that night in Arizona where she drove into the dark desert with a friend and had a spiritual experience; or the time she lost the keys to her New York City apartment, and realized that without her keys, she is lost both literally and metaphorically. At one point, she also shares her favourite Rumi quote: “The wound is the place where light enters you”. It is through these moments that the reader meets Britney, the woman behind the persona of the popstar.
In another surreal moment, she narrates how, during an intense chase with a paparazzo, she almost drove off a cliff. When she stopped her car nearly on the edge, she told him, “We could have just died!” In another more lighthearted moment, she apologises to the contractors of her house for being too hormonal and throwing tantrums because she wanted marble floors — “Sorry, contractors,” she writes.
Besides these moments of unfiltered honesty, the memoir also lays bare the dynamics of a dysfunctional family headed by narcissistic parents where the scapegoat barely gets validation. “No matter how many fans I had in the world, my parents never seemed to think I was worth much,” Spears writes. It isn’t surprising that Britney harbours a lot of animosity towards her parents and siblings and that much of it continues to make its way to her Instagram account even today.
In the most heartbreaking moment of the memoir (there are many), Britney narrates how she felt as a child: “I wanted to be a star like Madonna, Dolly Parton or Whitney Houston. I had simpler dreams, too, dreams that seemed even harder to achieve and that felt too ambitious to say out loud: I want my dad to stop drinking. I want my mom to stop yelling. I want everyone to be okay”.
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The chapters where Spears narrates her years under the abusive conservatorship are the most gut-wrenching — including a shocking moment where Britney’s father and then-conservator, Jamie Spears, orders her in a commanding voice —"You do what I say. I am Britney Spears now”. She was also admitted into a mental health facility against her will where she was subjected to lithium, a drug which she claims her grandmother Jean, the one who died by suicide, was also prescribed.
Having freed herself from the facility, and the abusive conservatorship, post the #FreeBritney movement, Britney spent some time healing and reflecting on her past. The popstar makes it clear that her music career is no longer her priority. And why should it be? She is taking much-needed time off to focus on her mental health and knows she doesn’t owe anything, even to her stans.
The Woman In Me is no literary masterpiece. But through the memoir, Britney is doing something which she couldn’t do all these years — reflect on her rather tumultuous life and experiences. She isn’t interested in making rousing statements on mental health or in claiming that she has it all together. It is possible that she still hasn’t healed fully from the abusive conservatorship, so those getting concerned over her Instagram posts can chill. The Woman In Me is essentially Britney Spears sitting down, taking a breather and telling her fans — “Hey. This is what my life has been like so far. Thanks for being there for me.”
Amidst all this, the reader cannot help but laud Britney’s self-awareness. In her acknowledgement, she writes —”Those of you who follow me on Instagram really thought this book will be written in emojis, didn’t you?” The OG fans know this isn’t far from reality.
Deepansh Duggal writes on art and culture. He tweets at Deepansh75