Today in New Delhi, India
Nov 13, 2018-Tuesday
New Delhi
  • Humidity
  • Wind

Chikni Chameli: An insult to item numbers

The Fake Jhunjhunwala has a problem with Chikni Chameli being tagged an item number. In fact, he would like to lodge a formal complaint against the conceptualizers of this song because...

brunch Updated: Dec 21, 2011 19:31 IST
The Fake Jhunjhunwala
The Fake Jhunjhunwala
Hindustan Times

For the past week I have been noticing Ms Katrina Kaif shaking her ....uh......hands very vigorously in this CHIKNI CHAMELI song. This is perceived as an Item Number. At this point I would like to lodge a formal complaint against the conceptualizers of this song. What is promoted as an item song is in fact a normal song with a GUEST APPEARANCE by Katrina Kaif.

I say this because it is a fact that item songs have the object of infatuation displaying a minimal amount of clothing. In 'Chikni Chameli' Katrina is wearing clothes covering at least 70% of her body; therefore this is not an item number.

Observe :
Item Number = Sexy Dance + Sleazy Lyrics + Dancing Babe with Clothes to Skin Ratio of 30:70

As Katrina and the makers of this film have not followed the above law they must be arrested for wrong publicity, spreading misinformation and plain simple God damned lying! This song must thus be immediately rebranded as a 'mildly hot song featuring Katrina in a guest appearance' instead of 'amazingly mind blowing item number'

This Chick is called Chameli and the pic shows its knee hence Chick-knee Chameli]

I mean Katrina is definitely not portrayed as Chikni in this song. You can just pick an ordinary chick named Chameli and point out its knee and this would be truer to the Chick-Knee Chameli nomenclature than Chameli's Chikniness.

I mean I am outraged! OUTRAGED DAMMIT! For years I have been an avid chronicler of item numbers in the history of Indian cinema. I have seen hundreds of item songs in their natural habitat - The fine institution of B grade and C grade films like ' Aawara Romeo' , 'Khopdi - The Skull', 'Jungli Jawani' and many more .

These films have been classics because when they promise an item number they deliver an item number! Not a guest appearance song by Katrina wearing an abnormally increased amount of clothing!

Chikni Chameli is an insult to all the great item girls who have made the art of Item Numbery an institution. Great women who did great justice to great item numbers in great B grade and C grade films. Great people like :

Mutton Manorama
Milky Malleshwari
Sexy Savitha ( not Savitha Bhabhi)
Ravishing Raveena
Chamakti Champa
Rowdy Radhika
Lovely Lalita
Sultry Supriya
Devil Deepa
Pagal Pammi
Gazab Gayatri
Dirty Damini
Lambchop Lata
Nathkhat Natasha
Masala Mallika
Super Sunanda
Meat Meenakshi
Sweet Swati
Pretty Priyanka
Nadaan Nalini

The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at

(The views expressed by the author are personal)

Follow us on
Connect with us on

First Published: Dec 21, 2011 19:22 IST