Mental Health Special: 99 strong people tell all about how they fought back depression...
In the murk of depression, you are in such darkness that you literally see no light. So you don’t really know what’s happening around you. You may not even be able to see that you’re depressed. Because some people do feel sad all the time, don’t they? Or tired all the time. Or comfortably numb. Or angry and anxious. And unnecessary to the world. Right? It’s normal, right?
This is why we asked these 99 people who’ve been where you might be to tell us how they saw the light. So even if you can’t tell that you need help, family members and friends reading this will recognise symptoms you may have missed. Sometimes you can’t recognise solutions until the solutions begin to work. But there are solutions. At least 99 of them.
Here they are.
1. “I lost my parents not too far apart from each other. So I went through grievance counselling for six months and it helped clear my mind.”
—Namrata Soni, Celebrity make-up artist
2. “When my failure in the 2016 Olympics depressed me, I spent time by myself, telling myself my future plans for which I needed to work harder. This method has really helped me each time.”
—Mirabai Chanu, Weightlifter
3. “When 30 years ago I had to leave my eight-year-old son behind at my husband’s house, I was numb. My brother made me watch A Beautiful Mind to understand that I have to focus on getting on my feet to be able to get my son back. A friend gave me a book called Thought For The Day, each page with a message of hope.”
—Anju Modi, Fashion designer
4. “As Stephen Hawking said, ‘However bad life may seem, there is always something you can succeed at.’”
—Dipannita Sharma, Supermodel and actor
5. “During a particularly depressing winter in California, I carried Kashmir like a wound within me. I went to see a friend from home in New York. He cooked for me. He talked to me in Kashmiri and pulled me out of the morass.”
—Feroz Rather, Author
6. “In my difficult times, my close friends and family guided me.”
—Ananya Birla, Singer, Songwriter and Entrepreneur
7. “A project I’d been working on for two years fell through. I decided to put my energy into something better. Problems give you confidence.”
—Aastha Atray Banan, Author and Poet
8. “For six months, I cut myself off from the rest of the world. I decided to build everything from ground zero.”
—Sahil Khattar, YouTube star
9. “The first step towards curing yourself is recognising that you’re depressed.”
—Nachiket Barve, Fashion designer
10. “Me and my friend got through many difficult times in our lives just by being there for each other.”
—Saheli Sen Gupta, Executive lead at Chayn (A women empowerment project)
11. “I concentrate on doing positive things like talking to my parents, doing DIYs and grooming my pets.”
—Aien Jamir, Founder, Fashion & I
12. “Taking care of my body and “following my routine has had a positive impact on me.”
—Adarsh Kumar, Engineer at Qualcomm
13. “Tasks as simple as cooking a nice meal for myself help.”
—Dolly Haorambam, Photographer
14. “There are always people who look up to you and you might not even realise it. I feel responsible for my two-year-old and know I must set an example for my kid.”
—Madhurima Singh, Fashion designer
15. “Let go of anger or stress for at least 10 minutes every day.”
—Anushka Mulchandani, Stylist and fashion blogger
16. “Focus on what’s to come rather than what has happened.”
—Bhumika Sharma, Semi-qualified company secretary
17. “During the shoot for Sainik (1992), my right foot was crushed and I was hospitalised for nearly a year. Even though people didn’t take me despite promises, I continued to do whatever work I was offered. Today I am happy with my life.”
—Pankaj Berry, Actor
18. “When I decided to walk out of my first marriage, I had to give up all my assets and suffered an unbearable loss of relationships. I moved to Kolkata with just Rs100. But I focused all my energy on dance. It rescued me from addictions and suicidal thoughts.”
— Sanchita Bhattacharya, Dancer
19. “Playing football with my friends always makes me feel better.”
—Aakarsh Naashier, Student
20. “Depression is when your mind blocks you from doing anything. The only way I could snap out of this was by forcing myself to try new things.”
—Aanchal Nagar, Luxury brand consultant
21. “Four years ago, a relationship ended badly. Two months later, I was 44 kilos, hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days and hadn’t slept in a week. My doctor told me I was depressed. It took two years of intense therapy to get myself back. My family made rules. We hug each other every day. We tell each other everything. If any of us has had a bad day, we have family cuddles and spend quality time.”
—Mansi Vakharia, Special educator for learning disability
22. “When you are at the bottom, use all your force to push yourself back up with your feet.”
—Dhruv Kapoor, Fashion designer
23. “When I feel down, I focus on self-awareness and try to make sure I am treating myself reasonably. If there is something to change, I work on that, or I accept things that are out of my hands.”
—Mitali Gupta, Student
24. “I was once let down by a romantic relationship. Eight painfully long agonising months followed. But one has to always be able to look oneself squarely in the eye in the mirror and love the person looking back at you. I trust in the healing of time, and in the love of strangers.”
—Elton Fernandez, Celebrity make-up artist
25. “I suffered from post-weaning depression which comes from hormonal fluxes when you stop breastfeeding. I spoke to people instead of keeping my feelings bottled up, and learned I was not alone. That helped the most.”
—Nainika Karan, Fashion designer
26. “Doing something nice for someone helps me feel better about myself.”
—Jahnvi Bansal, Stylist
27. “When I go for a swim, I go underwater and try to hold my breath for some time. That’s when I feel calm. Everything else is gone, there’s just silence. I do this at least once a month.”
—Varun Dhawan, Actor
29. “When I felt under-appreciated and overworked, my friends helped me see that there was a way out.”
—Rosemary Maguire, Researcher
29. “I meditate. As my breath slows, I feel calmer.”
—Sonal Sachdev Patel, co-author of Gita: The battle of the Worlds
30. “Life turned into survival when I had self-critical, self-isolating thoughts that made me numb. I realised I shouldn’t succumb to this voice. I read about it, kept my mind busy with work, talked to people and practised meditation.”
—Apoorva Negi, Marketing professional
31. “Four months ago I met with an accident. Meditation has given me strength. I choose thoughts that uplift my spirits and let go of the ones that shackle my soul.”
—Shivangi Singh, Student
32. “When overwhelmed by my emotions, I met a professional, or figured out how to cope. Exercise or a good long run has pulled me out of a funk many times. Changing my perspective has also helped.”
—Mandira Bedi, Actor
33. “I long ago made my ‘aware’ self the caretaker of ‘vulnerable’ Rajeev. So whenever I am on the brink of slipping into a negative emotional space, my caretaker pumps up my self-esteem.”
—Rajeev Khandelwal, Actor
34. “In the past one year, everything just felt pointless. My solution was to disconnect for a while, analyse myself and then share my problems with my loved ones.”
—Mandana Karimi, Actor
35. “When I feel really low, I ask myself, ‘Do I need to change?’ And then write it down.”
—Gaurav Gera, TV actor
36. “Patting your pet dog makes you calmer.”
—Cyrus Broacha, TV anchor and comedian
37. “I’ve been seeing a therapist. It helps me think clearly.”
—Gurmehar Kaur, Student
38. “Spirituality helped me learn acceptance.”
—Shashank Vyas, TV actor
39. “I watch Friends when I’m feeling low.”
—Deepti Latwal, Banker at ICICI
40. “I try not to think about stuff I can’t control.”
—Anuvab Pal, Stand-up comedian
41. “My mother suffered from depression for 10 years, and a close friend committed suicide some years ago. Some good friends helped me. Reaching out, asking for help is the best thing to do. And Vipassana really helped.”
—Rohan Shrestha, Photographer
42. “I spend time with my daughters, travel, watch a movie, rehearse. And cook!”
—Vinay Pathak, Actor
43. “I try and anticipate the next best thing in my life after accepting the way fate’s going to shape my future. You just have to keep your chin up and move on.”
—Sarah Ishtiyaque, Writer and stylist at Nicobar
44 .“Being funny, experiencing funny things, laughing… these are my survival tools.”
—Aditi Mittal, Stand-up comedian
45. “Writing saved my life. It was my idea of owning my body.”
—Rupi Kaur, Poet
46. “I try to focus on staying positive and bringing my A game to the table. Fortunately, in our business, gratification is quite instantaneous.”
—Riyaaz Amlani, Restaurateur
47. “I’ve seen a fair amount of ups and downs. The virtues I learned early on were patience and resilience.”
—Ishaan Khatter, Actor
48. “Gratitude helps me get through a rough spell. As do family and friends. And above all, an anchoring in spirituality.”
—Richa Chadda, Actor
49. “It’s very human to dismiss depression. Things like exercising regularly, eating right, enjoying me time keep the symptoms in check.”
—Dr Aneesh Sheth, Cosmetologist
50. “It’s hard to think good things when you feel like you’re at the bottom of a well. Reaching for the next better feeling thought literally means focusing on a thought that is just slightly better than the current thoughts in your brain – until you begin to believe that thought and feel marginally better.”
—Rashmi Daryanani, Executive Scriptwriter/Video Content Strategist at MissMalini.com
51. “Family and spirituality help me focus on what actually matters.”
—Shamita Shetty, Actor
52. “Travelling, immersing myself into a state of the unknown helps me snap out of feeling low.”
—Kubbra Sait, Actor
53. “Your faith in yourself and your support system keep you going.”
—Vikrant Batra, Restaurateur
54. “When you look at things from a different light, there are often solutions and new directions that you can take. Give life a chance.”
—Raghav Sachar, Singer, composer, music director
55. “Stress is part of our lives. So laugh as often as possible.”
—Kunal Kapur, Chef
56. “I lost my dad three years back and my mom is yet to recover from that shock. She is today a patient of dementia. So whenever I go to meet her, sometimes she recognises me and sometimes she doesn’t. Every time I meet her I become an emotional wreck. But then I try to meet up with my friends and talk it out. There is nothing shameful in being sad. Everyone is equipped with a way to fight the lows. Look inside and find it.”
—Rasika Agashe, Actor
57. “The lowest point in my life was when I lost my father. How I got out of it was to make sure I make him proud every day.”
—Keshav Suri, Hotelier
58. “Years after an attempted sexual assault, I broke down and told my family about it. The way they supported me made me realise we should always talk to those closest to us.”
—Jasmin Bhasin, TV actor
59. “Loneliness is a choice. We must connect to soothe others and heal ourselves.”
—Divya Sheth, Fashion Designer
60. “What helped me come out of my dark phase was an active realisation that with every one thing going wrong in my life, there’s always a counteractive right thing happening simultaneously.”
—Akanksha Sharma, Designer at IKEA
61. “For a while after my miscarriage, I wasn’t sure if I should let my friends know that I still need to talk about it. I was always on the cusp of darkness. And then at yoga class: a breath in, a breath out, a particular posture, the sound of ‘Om’ – and something shifted, released. Only a beginning…”
—Jemma Wayne-Kattan, co-author of Gita: The battle of the Worlds
62. “I always feed my mind with good things.”
—Gauri Arora, Model
63. “To ‘let go’ of a few things helps. Listen to Baz Luhrmann’s song, Sunscreen. Avoid negative people. Move forward. Stay connected to family and good friends.”
—Vikas Khanna, Chef
64. “A session of meditation and telling the universe to help me makes me float in the air and know that I am much more than my physical self.”
—Anuradha Prasad Dhawan, Designer
65. “I was told by a friend that energetically stepping on earth grounds you. For me, walking barefoot on soil worked wonders.”
—Rick Roy, celebrity stylist
66. “Having a pet really helps! And when you ask other people how they are doing, you forget about your problems.”
—Ranveer Brar, Chef
67. “When I lost my mother-in-law to cancer two years ago, I had to question myself if I wanted to feel sad that she passed away or happy about the wonderful life she led. One needs to see where one stands in the current situation, and that helps you get through anything.”
—Shankar Mahadevan, Singer
68. “Sometimes I just feel low and can’t really explain why, so I don’t try to snap out of it or give fake affirmations, I just watch it and accept it. Slowly, the hidden reasons appear.”
—Achala Sachdev, Model and choreographer
69. “In my teens, I rebelled, but since that meant letting down my family, I just put my head down and dealt with my problems.”
—Johnson Thomas, Writer
70. “The suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain brought back memories of the day Jiah Khan hanged herself. It was such shocking news. My father, Alia, Shaheen and I were sitting together and the conversation veered to suicide.
Shaheen and I talked about how we’d wanted to pull the plug on our lives on occasion. Alia couldn’t believe it. My father was also shocked, but he said, at least we can have this conversation as a family. I read somewhere that as long as you think about it, talk about it and air it, you won’t do it. But there will always be people who will sit in judgement.
It was similar when I started talking about my struggle with alcohol. There was a gaping hole in my heart that I thought could be filled by love or alcohol. But now I realise instead of quenching my thirst, they enhanced it and made it stronger.
Depression has been in my life since I was a little girl. My way of coping was initially by eating, but after I crossed 30, I slowly became an alcoholic.
As I grew older I realised that the only thing I can change is myself. This happened after a text from my father in December 2016. I had sent him a simple text saying, ‘I love you, dad’, to which he responded: “If you love me, then love yourself, for I live in you”. That message hit me so much that I decided to become the best version of myself.
—Pooja Bhatt, Actor
71. When I am low, I practice yoga. It is magical. It helps me feel a certain self-assurance from inside. It makes me calmer, helps me analyse my situations better.... The closer you are to yourself, the more at peace you will be with yourself. And once that happens, you are automatically at peace with a lot of other things around you.”
—Juhi Chawla, Actor
72. “I didn’t know who to talk out my depression with, so I talked it out with myself. Sometimes, all we need is someone to listen.”
—Jyotishka Paul, Writer
73. “I learned that we know little of the magnitude of our actions; how our everyday lives affect the people around us. Instead of falling off in life, pull people up.”
—Sahil Kakkar, Actor
74. “Invest your time on things that matter. Learn the fact that there’s still a lot to learn.”
—Riddhindra R Chaudhuri, Entrepreneur
75. “I had the unconditional support of my friends and my mother.”
—Rajanya Banerjee, Teacher
76. “It’s important to love yourself irrespective of the things you feel are not right about you.”
—Prachi Sharan, Public relations professional
77. “I seek help from a psychiatrist friend, go swimming, read books, make new friends.”
—Somenath Ghosh, Photographer
78. “Positive thinking and belief in God kept me going.”
—Monika Mishra, Software engineer
79. “Between 2010 and 2015, I went through the worst phase of my professional life. Then I decided to throw myself back into work, and managed to get out of that state of mind.”
—Maxwell Ian Agacy, Entrepreneur
80. “Repeating positive messages to myself daily is what got me out of depression, nothing else.”
—Sudipto Chanda, Photographer
81. “Press the alarm, talk to people freely about it, tell them you need their help.”
—Mouli Bhattacharya, Copywriter
82. “Family bonding has cut through the darkest hours.”
—Amol Gupte, Film-maker
83. “Always remind yourself that you are unique, you deserve goodness, and most of all, there is a purpose in your life.”
—Evelyn Sharma, Model and actress
84. “Years ago when a big music label told us we’d have to change our music, we ignored them. I’m glad that happened. It gave me self-belief.”
—Amit Kilam, Drummer, vocalist, Indian Ocean
85. “When I was told, ‘Life does not depend on ifs and buts,’ I learned to move on.”
—Nishant Choubey, Chef
86. “When criticised, I react with kindness or be self-deprecating enough to neutralise it.”
—Durjoy Datta, Author
87. “Tell yourself, ‘let this time pass. I will come back’.”
—Rahul Mishra, Fashion designer
88. “There are always other opportunities.”
—ShivKaran Singh, Restaurateur
89. “A little lick and cuddle from my dog Tia makes it all better.”
—Sophie Choudry, Actor and singer
90. “When I started to talk about my pain, I began to believe the darkness was only temporary.”
— Apurva Asrani, film-editor
91. “Know for a fact that har raat ke baad ek savera zaroor hai.”
—Kailash Kher, Singer
92. “Be thankful and make the most of opportunities.”
—Hussain Kuwajerwala, Actor
93. “Buddhism helped me build resilience.”
—Manav Gohil, TV actor
94. “The best thing I did for my depression was to acknowledge it, because you can only deal with an issue when you acknowledge it.”
—Priya Malik, TV personality
95. “During a bad career phase, I kept working. When the tides started turning, I had a good body of work.”
—Danish Husain, Actor and poet
96. “I have experienced darkness within me for years. In 2012 I took help. I worked with a life coach for two years. Therapy cannot be just talking to a shrink. I was ready to be helped.”
—Neha Bhasin, Singer
97. “I have seen two suicides very close to home. Both people didn’t have guidance towards mental care. If they had, things would have been different.”
—Priyanka Bose, Actor
98. “Two years back I didn’t want to do anything, meet anybody, go out. Then it hit me that this was not the usual me. I made a conscious effort to get back on track.”
—Rajit Kapur, Actor
99. “1. Face your sadness. Let it engulf you. Then cry your heart out. Once you reach rock bottom, the only way left is up.
2. Sharing helps. Psychotherapy helps big time. 3. Know this too shall pass.
4. Define what gives you joy and invite that. If God has chosen you to be alive, then trust in God (or the universe, or life) that you are safe.”
—Manisha Koirala, Actor
(Join the conversation on twitter using #99ShadesOfGrey)
From HT Brunch, June 24, 2018
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