Warning: this story contains description of a suicide attempt.
In a new interview, actor Shama Sikander offers an intimate look at some of the most traumatic moments of her life, including a suicide attempt. During her chat with Bollywood Bubble, the actor candidly explained the dark spiral she went into some years ago, and how her family 'saved' her after she 'took a lot of sleeping pills'. Also read: Shama Sikander reveals 'a superstar' improvised in ad to hug her inappropriately
'I had severe depression, bipolar disorder'
Shama, who is known for her television show Yeh Meri Life Hai, among others, said in Hindi, “15 years ago I was in a very bad state, I had severe depression, bipolar disorder. That was when I came to know that my grandmother could also have also had bipolar disorder because this is genetic. She used to do things that made people say she was possessed. I have done similar things, but because I am intelligent and live in today's times, I was able to understand that I am not possessed. That was when I gave up on my career, and left the industry."
‘Six people together were not able to pick me up’
The actor was then asked if she 'ever had suicidal thoughts', to which she said, "Of course. I tried to commit suicide, and I was saved by my family... I said to God, 'There is too much people-pleasing. I was tired and could not do this anymore. I wanted to come back as somebody else. Let's make a deal. I am committing suicide now, you give me another birth'. Then I took a lot of sleeping pills and I slept. I think while I was asleep, I sent my bank details to my brother. He was at a wedding and wondered, "Why is my sister sending this to me right now?' My mother was reading the Quran and I had told her not to disturb me. My brother then called my mother... And then they got to know and tried to wake me up, but I was not getting up. Then everyone came rushing. I have flashbacks that they were all trying to pick me up and I was like dead meat. Six people together were not able to pick me up. So they took me to the nearest hospital, but the hospital would not take me and said it looked like a suicide case."
{{/usCountry}}The actor was then asked if she 'ever had suicidal thoughts', to which she said, "Of course. I tried to commit suicide, and I was saved by my family... I said to God, 'There is too much people-pleasing. I was tired and could not do this anymore. I wanted to come back as somebody else. Let's make a deal. I am committing suicide now, you give me another birth'. Then I took a lot of sleeping pills and I slept. I think while I was asleep, I sent my bank details to my brother. He was at a wedding and wondered, "Why is my sister sending this to me right now?' My mother was reading the Quran and I had told her not to disturb me. My brother then called my mother... And then they got to know and tried to wake me up, but I was not getting up. Then everyone came rushing. I have flashbacks that they were all trying to pick me up and I was like dead meat. Six people together were not able to pick me up. So they took me to the nearest hospital, but the hospital would not take me and said it looked like a suicide case."
{{/usCountry}}Shama recalled how a friend spoke to a police personnel and said Shama ‘ate something wrong’ and that the hospital must admit her and save her. She said they 'removed the poison' from her body all night and she was 'revived' the next day. The actor also said 'that this patch, those two-three years were very, very hard' for her. She said she did not want to step out of her room, and would sleep and cry all day. Shama said she felt 'empty' and sad' all the time. She said she took 'a long time' to learn that she was not on the right path.
Discussing suicides can be triggering for some. However, suicides are preventable. A few major suicide prevention helpline numbers in India are 011-23389090 from Sumaitri (Delhi-based) and 044-24640050 from Sneha Foundation (Chennai-based).
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