Weekend fix for the soul: The futility of trying to change others

Each person has his own private learning time and no one can interfere with this sacred process. And when change does happen voluntarily, from within, it comes with its own eureka-moment accompanied by wisdom, knowledge and contentment.

We create our problems by wanting things or people to be different than they currently are.

Jim Rohn rightly remarked, "I've discovered that you can't change people. They can change themselves." This is indeed a fact - a fact that took me long to learn. We may help each other change, but the responsibility for our own change lies within each one of us. The seemingly miniscule shift from resistance to willingness is a person's own personal and private decision - and no one can do this for them, except themselves.

Trying to change another person to our ways is actually disrespectful. In a subtle unconscious way we are saying that we know better than them. We are saying that we don't trust them enough to figure it out for themselves. This naturally creates a wall of resistance as we are saying to another that they are not good enough for us the way they are. Is it any wonder that we get negative reactions and form strained relations with others, even though we are convinced that we are acting in their best interests? In fact, if we are really honest with ourselves, we see that our intentions are always to our own interests. When we try to change another, we are also saying to the universe that we know better. If the universe has so much respect for us to let us be, then who are we to question and change others?

The world is our mirror image. Everything we judge in another, is something within ourselves we don't want to face. Having the courage to accept this aspect of ourselves, help changing our part of the world for the better. The beauty of being honest with oneself and looking clearly and directly is that the answer is always there in the situation itself. We have the power to imagine better. We cannot change our reality, but we can surely change our perception of this reality. Change is a process, not an event. Each person has his own private learning time and no one can interfere with this sacred process.

And when change does happen voluntarily, from within, it comes with its own eureka-moment accompanied by wisdom, knowledge and contentment. Drum-rolls and mental cart-wheels follow!

It is always a happy place to be in.

Note: Kamalrukh Khan is a Mumbai-based Clinical Hypnotherapist and Wellness Coach. She's intuitive, strong and positive and loves travelling. She believes travelling to a new country is the best education she can give her kids. Painting and flying a plane or chopper top her bucket-list.