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Battle of the beige flags: How quirky is your bae, anyway?
Avoid red flags. Chase the green ones. But it’s the beige flags that make a relationship fun. Ayesha Kanga and Rasika Dugal list what these beige flags are
You’ve head of red flags – worrisome signs that the person you’re dating is bad news. You’ve heard of green flags too – signs that your partner is a keeper (These are so rare, maybe we should rebrand them unicorn flags!). But what about beige flags – behaviour that’s totally safe, but quirky, mildly odd? Men who are secretly fans of Adele, women who only eat fries in even numbers, partners who chat with their plants while watering them, the college crush who still knows all the steps to Single Ladies.
Turns out, it’s the beige flags that make relationships fun. They are more telling of a person than reds or greens. They also highlight the compromises a partner is willing to make and the effort they’re likely to put into building a strong relationship.
One person’s beige may be another’s green or red. But actors Ayesha Kanga, 28, and Rasika Dugal, 39, had surprisingly similar responses to what constitutes a harmless quirk on the dating scene. Kanga is single, and shot to fame with her acting debut in Class (2023). Dugal will soon appear onscreen for the first time with her husband of 13 years, actor Mukul Chadha, in the film Ferry Folk.
Here’s how their flags measure up.
Setting a chain of alarms, and for random times: 6:28, 6:43, 7:08.
Ayesha: Green flag. It’s charming that they are being non-conformist, know what they want, including how long they take to do things.
Rasika: Green flag. It’s a great character quirk. Unless it’s out of superstition.
Meandering when telling a simple story.
Ayesha: Beige flag. I’m here for the ride as long as it’s an interesting story.
Rasika: Beige flag. I’m okay with stories, but when it comes to jokes, I’m a disaster. I will giggle before the punchline and by the time I reach it, I will probably forget what it is. Mukul is the person who will come home and think about how he can improve the punchline.
Taking over the whole bed.
Ayesha: Beige flag. Because I am this person. It’ll lead to a bed war if I end up with someone similar!
Rasika: Beige flag. That’s me. I like my space when I sleep.
Not planning date nights, not taking anniversaries or birthdays seriously.
Ayesha: Beige flag, though I’d never tell them that. I would want someone to put in the effort. If they deliberately don’t, it’s a red flag.
Rasika: Green flag. That’s me. I don’t believe that certain days have a certain protocol. I would feel pressure if someone did that for me. I like giving and receiving gifts but not because it’s connected to the calendar.
Procrastinating over chores for weeks.
Ayesha: Beige flag. Life is hard, I get it. This is something that can be worked around.
Rasika: Beige flag. I don’t care what the other person does with their time. I empathise with people who procrastinate because I am prone to it myself. I’ve bullied myself to discipline over the last 15-20 years. What we see as procrastination might be someone else’s idea of a good day.
Crying at a John Mayer concert. Or, the Lumineers.
Ayesha: Green flag! We’ll be crying together! It just means that the person is emotionally moved.
Rasika: Green flag. I love people who express themselves openly. I cry easily at concerts, while listening to songs and watching films. I was watching the animated film Up in a movie hall once, next to a big bulky guy. He was wailing within the first two minutes. It was so lovely to watch this man express himself like that.
Singing off-key and loving karaoke.
Ayesha: How is this not a green flag? They’re living their best life!
Rasika: Beige, because that’s also me. I love that sense of abandon when you can publicly do something you aren’t good at.
Talking non-stop when you’re watching something.
Ayesha: Beige flag. If I am interested in the film, then it’s annoying. But it’s still a beige.
Rasika: Beige flag. There are so many things you can do: Lock them out, wear headphones or just never watch anything with them again. Bluetooth headphones are key in this relationship.
Wanting to know your sun sign on the first date.
Ayesha: Red flag. I will respect people’s beliefs but astrology cannot be a person’s full personality.
Rasika: Red flag. It’s a little creepy. You’re telling the other person you are watching them from a lens you understand but they don’t.
Liking PDA while you’re against it or vice-versa.
Ayesha: Beige flag. But only if you are respectful about what the other person wants. I’m usually comfortable with PDA when I’m in the company of people I know.
Rasika: This is a tough beige. With personal behaviour, you can argue and reach an understanding. But, the minute other people get involved, it’s about your public image. If you’re on opposite ends, it can get tricky.
Not meeting/talking on the phone enough.
Ayesha: Beige flag. But if the person is on their phone while they’re with me, that’s a red flag. The person’s got to be obsessed with me if we’re together! But then again, it also depends on how much interested I am in them.
Rasika: Beige, depending on how old you are. When you are younger, you adapt to each other’s styles. But when you get older, there’s a set idea of your boundaries and space. It becomes harder to negotiate.
Clearly going through male pattern baldness.
Ayesha: Beige flag. I’m not too into looks for it to be a dealbreaker.
Rasika: Beige flag. I actually find bald men cute.
Whipping out tarot cards.
Ayesha: Super flaming red. Can you please print this in a red font?
Rasika: Beige flag. It’s a great conversation starter in a semi-awkward social scene.
Buying terrible presents.
Ayesha: Beige flag. I’ll buy my own gifts. And perhaps re-gift the terrible gifts.
Rasika: Beige flag. I sympathise with people who buy gifts for me. I am super fussy. I hate the idea of things lying around, unused.
Hogging the playlist.
Ayesha: Beige. It’s less stressful for me to set the scene and play music. But also depends on how good their selection is.
Rasika: Green flag. I’m open to be introduced to other people’s music. Because I will play the same songs for three months on loop. Someone needs to get me out of it.
When they text lyk dis.
Ayesha: Beige flag. As long as you are getting the point across, who cares?
Rasika: Red flag. I will not understand what they said! How much time does it take to type full words?
Slipping in and out of accents.
Ayesha: Red flag. I make fun of everyone who does this. You were abroad for a year, but you’ve been in India for the other 20-something years. Come on!
Rasika: Beige flag. It’s interesting because it shows you’ve lived in different places.
