Don’t be soirée: The introvert’s guide to enjoying a party

Parties are hard work for introverts. Here’s how to prep and actually enjoy a chill night out with (gasp!) lots of people

The party crowd would never understand. Introverts don’t hate you. They’re not upset. They don’t lack social skills. They’d just rather be alone than with an endless throng of people. They regret nothing.

Brace for questions at parties. Good hosts will do their best to draw everyone in, as with Kapoor & Sons. But they’re also listening to cues.

Dr Sujatha Rajamani, consultant psychiatrist at Hyderabad’s KIMS Hospital, says that introversion and extroversion exist on a spectrum. “Introverts tend to be more reserved and reflective. Extroverts feel energised by socialising and ponder less.”

This is why a party, even a small one, can seem like a huge undertaking. Social batteries need to be charged beforehand. Bandwidth must be shored up. Here’s how to fill up the tank.

Arrive too early and the evening will seem longer. Show up late and groups are already formed, making it difficult to join a conversation, like in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Aim to reach at the mid point.

Don’t be soirée: The introvert’s guide to enjoying a party

• Prep for the worst.

  Dr TR John, senior consultant in psychiatry at Aster Medcity in Kochi, says that working out even details in advance – what to wear, how to get there, what to expect – can make an outing seem less daunting. “Ask who else is invited, you’ll know if there’s someone you can connect with or fall back on,” he says.
• Time it right.

  Arrive too early and the evening will seem longer. Show up late and “it might be difficult to join a conversation as groups are already made,” Dr John says. Aim for the mid-point.
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  Seek out the solos.

  Not everyone arrives with a partner. Not everyone has old connections with everyone. Chances are there are folks who are feeling just as awkward and lost. “Look for people who are standing alone or are in smaller groups; it’s easier to strike up a conversation with them,” says Dr John.
• Work out an escape route.

  Don’t hide at a party. What’s the point of coming this far? “But if you do feel overwhelmed at any point, look for a restroom, bedroom or outside area to relax for a bit,” says Dr John. Even if there are people in those spaces, the vibe is usually calmer and chill. “It’s a nice break if you’re drained out.”
• Get chatting.

  A great hack: Asking questions. It lets other people do the bulk of the work. “News and contemporary subjects get everyone interested,” Dr John says. Introverts typically worry that they don’t have much in common with the chatty folks in the room. But once everyone’s offering opinions, it’s easier to slip in the subjects that interest you. Ankita Jain, an independent sports and counselling psychologist from Hyderabad says listening is a great compliment. “In such a self-absorbed age, just looking up, smiling and listening can be a great ice breaker.”
• Brace for questions.

  Why aren’t you dancing? Have you tried the starters? Gosh, you haven’t met everyone yet? Good hosts will do their best to draw everyone in. But they’re also listening to cues. “Be polite and say that you’re enjoying watching others dance, and that’s it’s a great end to a tiring week,” says Dr John. This gets easier with age. But in most cases, admitting that you’re enjoying the evening means you’ll be left alone.
• Have an exit strategy.

  Indian hosts think its polite to pressure guests to stay back. Start the goodbyes earlier than you intend to scoot. Tell the host first, they’re easier to convince than a group of merrymakers. People just need to know t you’ve enjoyed yourself and this is as much as you need for the evening. And don’t do a mental post-mortem on the ride home. No one remembers anything as clearly as an overthinker.