Listicle: Nothing verse than harmony

Soft eyes, quiet look, always hanging in the back during photo shoots. Sigh. Lee Ryan from British boy band Blue (2000-2005; above) was the quintessential shy boy. The accent helped. The fact that he secretly married his girlfriend in 2022, after moving to Spain in 2021, gave us #LifeGoals. Stephen Gately worked the shy angle for Boy Zone. Every group had one. Just look.

Remember when all the boys wore their hair slicked back? Credit Robbie Willaims from Take That (1990-1996; above) for it. The English pop group, “Rule-d The World”, not only for their hits Shine, Never Forget and Patience, but also their look. It was only a matter of time before they switched to frosted tips, and teen boys worldwide did the same.

Boy bands built their identities on wholesome hetero harmony. Turns out one in four or five was gay all along, playing it straight for the women fans. Savage Garden’s Darren Hayes (above)) came out of the closet in the early 2000s. Girls were Truly, Madly, Deeply heartbroken. He also married his boyfriend of two years, Richard Cullen, in 2005 in London. For this we are glad.

Boy bands never stick. Sooner or later, their ambitions will rip through the marketing spiel. Robbie Williams will try to take over America solo and fail. Harry Styles (above) will find that the rest of English-Irish pop group One Direction (2010-2015) was just slowing him down. Ronan Keating will build on his fame and ultimately perform at a Mumbai mall, as he did this year. Some fans will stay loyal through it all.

Bands that tour together come to realise that some things make sense only within their tight-knit group. Every band (even a dysfunctional one) needs an Us song. Irish pop group Westlife (1998- 2012; 2018-; above), who will soon make their India debut have one. “You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains, You raise me up to walk on stormy seas, I am strong when I am on your shoulders, You raise me up to more than I can be.” Aww.

Justin Timberlake’s moves in Bye Bye Bye, when he was part of NSYNC (1995-2002; above) set the tone for group-dance moves. The Backstreet Boys (1993-) worked it in unison on Backstreet’s Back. Fans have video supercuts charting the dance evolution of Nsync through Tearin’ Up My Heart, It’s Gonna Be Me and I Want You Back. Who said heartbreak can’t make you dance?

They start out cute. They can barely shave. They’re slim and silly. Then the muscles flex, adulthood creeps in and it gets harder to sell the saccharine. The appeal of the Backstreet Boys (above) lasted from 1993 to 2002, when official cutie Nick Carter was arrested for resisting and opposing a law enforcement officer. Then, rape allegations hit headlines in the late 2010s. Quit Playing Games With My Heart?

Less is more. And with boy band artists leaving their shirts forever unbuttoned, this is true of chest hair. It looks decent on camera; oil-slicked skin is sexy; but why must everyone look like they were manufactured in the Mattel factory alongside Ken? The Jonas Brothers (above), which formed in 2005, still do it. Kevin, Joe and Nick are all have chests as smooth as butter.

Harmonies suit sappy love songs perfectly. No wonder so many boy bands did covers of classic love songs. Boyzone (1993-2000; 2007-2019; above) covered The Bee Gees’ Words and Tracy Chapman’s Baby Can I Hold You. All4one’s 1994 cover of I Swear, originally sung by John Michael Montgomery in 1993, still plays at Christian weddings.

There are only so many ways to fit five hulking man-children into one frame. Lined up in matching jackets, screaming into the camera, horsing around artfully, in tuxes and holding roses, smiling shirtless amid white sheets, making smouldering eyes against a black background. You have all these CDs. Don’t lie.