The Brunch round-up: The week and how it made us feel

Orlando Bloom recently said that thinking of himself as his partner’s dad helped him treat her the way she deserved. It’s not a green flag, Orly! Women deserve respect, no matter their relation to you. He’s been a terrible example of a partner. This isn’t helping.

If you ship Nick and Cassie, you can’t sit with us. The American influencers got together, they claim, after fans kept commenting how good they’d look together. They’re posting twosome vlogs with suggestive Taylor Swift lyrics. Seems like a fake meet-cute for views. Team #Nassie? Nah. Let’s see.

In China, emotionally exhausted young people have an unlikely new pet: Yeast. Cats and dogs demand walks and treats. Yeast, on the other hand, doesn’t even fall sick. And if all else fails, you can just eat it. Send this to that one friend who is far too attached to her sourdough starter.

If humans go extinct, who do you think will build the next civilisation? Oxford professor Tim Coulson is betting on octopuses. They can solve puzzles, build communities, use tools. Don’t see them as competition. Let’s just collab. An extra arm (or eight) is useful to clap back at trolls and text cuties faster. Think bigger, professor!

Building Hot Wheels sets is a core childhood memory. But Mattel’s research shows that a third of kids aged three to six can’t assemble the race tracks on their own. So, they’re simplifying the design. Guess who’s pissed: Grown-up collectors. Guys, guys. Let kids enjoy their childhood so they’re not depending on a second one.

Your trash could land your face in an art gallery. Heather Dewey-Hagborg has been creating 3D faces based off DNA left on chewed gum and cigarette butts. Totally creepy. Luckily, the tech only renders vague details. The faces look more like sci-fi villains than real people. Still worth kicking both habits.

How far will wildlife photographers go for the perfect shot? Far enough to build a remote-controlled camera that looks and smells like elephant poop. The BBC’s dungcam even drops mini “plop cams” for closer looks. It earned suspicious glances from the herd. Then, some elephants started playing football with the poo. Ugh!

Are you OK, Prague? Your scientists have developed inTouch, which schedules AI calls to lonely parents and seniors. Indians are working out a better use for the tech already: Training AI to call all the annoying relatives who grumble that we don’t reach out. Let the bots deal with their questions about our salary, weight gain, and who we were out with three weeks ago.