Do you have a secure or insecure attachment with your partner? Therapist reveals how to figure it out

A therapist revealed the key differences between having a secure or an insecure attachment style. Learn all about them.

Being intensely dependent or having an insecure attachment style with your partner can be exhausting for you and your loved one. An insecure attachment arises when slight changes in your partner’s behaviour make or break your mood. However, when you have a secure attachment, you are able to set up boundaries and feel safe, stable, and more satisfied in the relationship.

Therapist shares the difference between secure and insecure attachment styles. (Shutterstock)

In an Instagram post, Julie Menanno, a couples therapist and relationship coach, shared the six differences between having a secure and an insecure attachment with your partner. She captioned the post, “Balance.” Read on to learn what behaviour patterns differentiate both attachment styles.

Secure attachment vs insecure attachment

1. Per Julie, you have a secure attachment if you can be authentic about your feelings with your partner. However, if you hide your thoughts and feelings from them, then you have an insecure attachment.

2. If you mess up, like having an argument or making a mistake, then you consider it as an opportunity to grow instead of considering it as ‘bad and/or a failure’. In the first instance, you have a secure attachment, but in the second scenario, you have an insecure attachment.

3. Under the secure attachment style, Julie listed the ability to trust oneself and others (when it's safe). However, if it is hard for you to trust yourself and others, then you have an insecure attachment.

'Your needs come last…'

4. According to the therapist, if you can balance your wants and needs with the wants and needs of others, you have a secure attachment style. However, if your wants and needs usually come either last or first, you have an insecure attachment style.

5. You have built a secure connection with your loved one if you ‘enjoy connecting with others in many different ways’. But, if you ‘need to use other people as objects because you don't know what it means to truly connect’, then you have an insecure attachment style.

6. “I like approval from others, but I'm okay if I'm not getting it all the time from everyone,” the therapist wrote under secure attachment. However, for insecure attachment, she wrote, “I need approval from others to be okay. I feel unworthy without it.”

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.