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Does marriage intimidate you? Exploring the psychological reasons behind this fear and finding the silver lining
The prospect of marriage can feel daunting. An expert explores the psychological reasons behind this fear and one reason why it may not be as scary as it seems.
Marriage is one of the biggest life changes. It is natural to get cold feet. While one may play it off cool, there are much more obvious yet unseen reasons lurking behind the hesitation to marry.
Psychologist Banita Singh associated with Therapy With Shaurya page on Instagram shared the underlying mental factors which make marriage appear intimidating. Other than the reasons to fear, she also shared a reason to embrace marriage- maybe it's not all that scary.
Reasons why marriage feels scary
1. Fear of losing yourself
Banita wrote, “You love your freedom and personal time. The thought of blending your routines, hobbies or quirks with someone else's feels like giving up who you are. What if ‘we’ take over ‘me’?”
Everyone treasures their identity, be it their hobbies, habits, or unique eccentricities as the identity defines who they are. But, marriage introduces another person in life, merging two lives, which often may involve compromise. Many fear that this may mean sacrificing their individuality. This makes many wonder that ‘fitting together’ may come at the price of losing themselves.
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2.The forever factor
Banita described, “The word ‘forever’ feels more like a life sentence than a love promise. The idea of locking yourself into one decision feels overwhelming.”
As she added, the 'forever' element in marriage evokes a sense of finality, like ‘this is it.’ Many may feel scared by the permanence of marriage, fearing that if they make the wrong choice, they will be stuck with it for life.
3.Fear of compromising more than anticipated
Banita explained how the fear of compromising makes marriage scary. She added, “The fear of always being the one adjusting can feel unfair and scary.”
As she explained, fear of compromise is one of the reasons people may hold back from marriage. Marriage requires equal compromise, so it works out, but one-sided compromise is unfair, and soon before one realises it, it becomes a norm, where only one person in the marriage is expected to give up to make the other happy even if they themselves aren't.
4.Money matters
Banita further elaborated on the financial element of marriage as she added, “Financial independence is your hard-earned trophy, but what if marriage brings joint accounts, shared debts, or financial arguments that ruin the peace and stability you've built around money.”
In marriage, what's ‘mine is also yours’ as two people get entangled in every aspect throughout the rest of their lives. This also involves financial troubles with debts. So people are scared of their financial stability getting tipped when their spouse suffers from financial liabilities.
5.Seeing failed marriages
Banita wrote, “You've seen friends, family or even pop culture paint a grim picture- messy divorces, unhappy compromises or just drifting apart. It's enough to make anyone doubt if marriage is even worth the risk.”
Much of our opinions about an anticipated life milestone, from career promotions to marriage are moulded by the experiences one see around them. So if one sees their family or friend struggle with marriage, it may create doubts.
Reason to look forward to marriage
Even if there’s strong scepticism about a marriage being truly successful and both partners being happy, Banita offers much-needed hope by highlighting the positive aspects of marriage.
She added," But what if marriage is less about losing your freedom, & more about finding someone who truly supports you & helps you grow?" Banita further highlighted how marriage can be a partnership, built on love and trust to face all the challenges together.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.
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