How partners can support new moms' mental health: 10 powerful ways to make a difference for her wellbeing

Mothers often experience mental burnout from the responsibilities they shoulder in the family. Here’s how partners can help alleviate their stress.

Motherhood is a major milestone in a woman's life. It changes a lot of things for her. It is a lifelong journey of caring for her children and family. Mothers are typically portrayed as ‘superheroes’ who take care of everyone, but their struggles go unspoken and, sadly, normalised. However, a partner can be a crucial pillar of support against the weight of burnout. It’s important to understand that mothers are also human, and maternal mental health matters. Maternal health is not just a mom issue, it’s a relationship and family issue, one that needs shared responsibility and care.

She is also a woman, more than a 'mother.'(Shutterstock)

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Uzma Fahim, Child Psychologist at Lissun, a company providing mental health services, shared the importance of partner support for maternal mental health.

She said, “Motherhood is often idealised, portrayed as joyful and fulfilling. But behind those images lies a much more complex emotional experience, one that includes stress, identity shifts, and deep emotional fatigue. While discussions about maternal mental health have grown, they often focus on the mother in isolation, her sleep, her hormones, and her coping strategies, overlooking the critical influence of her closest relationships. A partner’s role in this journey is powerful. It’s about shared responsibility. When partners advocate, set boundaries, and manage expectations alongside the mother, they help relieve the invisible pressures that often go unnoticed.”

Uzma Fahim shared a detailed guide, listing out the 10 ways a partner can support maternal wellbeing:

1. Recognise and share the invisible load

Mothers often carry the ‘mental load’ of the family life, planning, remembering, organising, and emotionally managing everything from meals to school forms to emotional outbursts.

How partners can help:

• Instead of asking what needs to be done, learn the routines and take ownership.
•  Create calendars or lists that both partners manage.
•  Say, “I see how much you’re juggling, not just tasks, but emotions too. Let’s talk about how we can share this more evenly.”

Example: Rather than waiting to be asked, the partner arranges childcare for an upcoming appointment or checks the school calendar for important events.

2. Stay emotionally engaged, not just physically present

Many mothers feel emotionally alone, even when they’re not physically alone. Emotional connection is what creates safety and resilience.

How partners can help:

• Regularly check in with curiosity, not judgment.
• Listen without offering immediate solutions.
• Be open about your own emotions to model mutual vulnerability.

Example: “You’ve seemed really quiet lately. How are you really doing, not just with the kids, but with you?”

3. Support her personal growth outside of motherhood

One of the biggest threats to maternal mental health is feeling like her identity has been consumed by caregiving. Supporting her goals, creativity, and autonomy is vital.

How partners can help:

• Encourage hobbies, passions, career moves, or time with friends without guilt.
• Celebrate achievements that have nothing to do with parenting.

Example: “I booked you a writing workshop next weekend, I’ll handle everything at home. I want you to have space to create again.”

4. Be a co-parent, not a helper

When mothers feel like they’re the ‘default parent,’ it breeds resentment, exhaustion, and burnout. True partnership means equal responsibility, not occasional assistance.

How partners can help:

• Learn and participate in every aspect of parenting—not just playtime.
• Use “we” language: “We’re working on bedtime,” not “She handles that.”

Example: A partner knows the pediatrician’s name, the kid’s allergies, and the bedtime routine without needing reminders.

 

Parenting is a shared responsibility.(Shutterstock)

5. Protect her time and energy from social overload

Mothers are often socially stretched, expected to host, respond, and be emotionally available to others. A partner can help set healthy boundaries.

How partners can help:

• Manage extended family dynamics.
• Say no to plans that strain her mental or physical capacity.
• Create quiet, recovery time without guilt.

Example: “We’re not taking visitors this weekend. We both need downtime.”

 

When mothers feel supported, they are less likely to suffer from burnout.(Shutterstock)

6. Reflect her worth and complexity beyond the caregiver role

When mothers feel like their only value lies in what they do for others, it can chip away at their self-worth and mental health.

How partners can help:

• Verbally recognise her qualities—intellect, humour, compassion, creativity.
• Remind her she is more than “mom.”

Example: “I love how deeply you think about the world—not just for our kids, but for yourself. That’s part of what drew me to you.”

7. Be a safe place for processing grief, fear, or frustration

Motherhood brings immense emotional highs, but also grief over lost freedom, frustration with societal expectations, or fears about the future.

How partners can help:

• Create regular time to talk.
• Avoid toxic positivity; allow space for hard feelings.

Example: “It’s okay to miss your old life sometimes. I do too. Let’s talk about how we can carve out space for the parts of us we don’t want to lose.”

8. Prioritise her health, not just physically, but emotionally

Mothers often put their own needs last, leading to burnout, untreated depression, or chronic stress.

How partners can help:

• Encourage and support therapy, check-ups, or self-care.
• Handle logistics to make space for her care.

Example: “I made you a therapy appointment for next week. I’ll handle pickup and dinner. I want you to feel supported in getting whatever help you need.”

9. Honour her need for solitude, joy, and rest without guilt

Constant availability leads to emotional depletion. Solitude is not selfish, it’s essential for recovery.

How partners can help:

• Normalise her time away from the family.
• Offer breaks proactively—not just in response to breakdowns.

Example: “Take the evening off and go recharge. I’ve got bedtime and cleanup. No questions asked.”

10. Continue valuing intimacy outside parenting

Parenting can become all-consuming, and couples often lose their emotional and romantic connection. A thriving relationship is protective for both parents’ mental health.

How partners can help:

• Maintain emotional closeness outside parenting logistics. Foster moments of joy, play, and partnership.

Example: “Let’s plan a date night—not to talk about the kids, but just to enjoy us again.”

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.