Sex talk 101: Relationship coach shares 4 hacks for couples to open up about intimacy

Sex talk doesn't have to be awkward. Clear the air and share your desires and boundaries with your partner. This guide has you covered.

Sex is typically deemed as a ‘hush-hush’ topic, a taboo that isn’t openly discussed. Even couples in relationships can hesitate to have honest conversations about their desires, boundaries, and needs. This lack of transparency in sexual communication reduces sex to a mere mechanical act of physical pleasure, nothing more.

For a thriving relationship, discussing sexual needs is imperative, as sex is a language of intimacy and trust. Without it, sex in a relationship may feel like nothing more than a routine obligation instead of a passionate experience.

So how do you get started?

In an interview with HT, Dr Tammy Nelson PhD, a sex and relationship expert shared some tips on how to be honest and engage in open sexual communication with your partner.

She even quoted a relevant finding from a study, published in 2011, that 67% of couples who discussed their sexual needs regularly reported feeling more connected and satisfied in their relationships compared to those who don’t.

Weekly sex date

Open communication is needed to be initimate.

Pick a day to meet every week, and create a space that feels comfortable, private and sexy. Light some candles, put out flowers, and turn on your favourite music. This is a time for the two of you to focus on connecting. Good sex starts with good communication. Start your sex date by telling each other what you already like about your sex life. Share things like, “One thing I love about our intimacy is…” or “I really enjoy it when you…” These dialogues can help set a positive tone, and decrease your anxiety about making this a ‘perfect’ date. Sharing what you appreciate can be a form of emotional foreplay, and remind you both why you are still pursuing each other.

Playtime

If a serious talk about your sex life feels too heavy, make it playful. Use a card deck or game designed to spark conversations about sex and intimacy. Start with light, fun questions and gradually work your way to the steamier stuff. Remember what it’s like to flirt.

Fantasize

Role-playing makes it more adventurous.

Sharing a fantasy can be a thrilling way to learn more about each other’s desires without the pressure to act on them. Whether it’s role-playing or something more adventurous, listen without judgment and keep it playful. Fantasies are meant to be fun, not a to-do list, so enjoy the exploration and the erotic energy talking about fantasies can bring.

Adventure

Browse dating sites together or apps designed for couples. You don’t have to message or reach out to anyone - just explore and chat about what intrigues you. It’s a low-pressure way to spark curiosity and laughter while learning more about each other’s preferences. This shared experience can remind you that you’re in this together, whether you’re scrolling through profiles or laughing at someone’s questionable bio.

To sum up, based on Dr. Tammy Nelson's recommendations, open and honest communication about sex is important. Shed the inhibitions and reveal your desires and needs to each other to steer away from having sex in the blind. So much remains in the dark when you are unaware of your partner's needs. Talking about sex does not have to be awkward, it can be empowering and deepen the emotional connection.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.