Worried about someone not liking you after a conversation? Therapist explains why that might not be true

Jeffrey Meltzer states that more more people like us than we believe, and the phenomenon is known as the liking gap.

All of us replay conversations in our heads, and unless we have evidence that suggests that the other person involved in the interaction has enjoyed it, we usually assume that we must have fumbled up and they do not like us.

According to Florida-based therapist Jeffrey Meltzer, that is most likely not the reality. Taking to Instagram on September 19, he insisted that people like us more than we think. In psychology, this phenomenon is known as the liking gap.

Jeffrey explained it, stating, “After talking with someone, especially someone new, people tend to underestimate how much the other person liked them and enjoyed the conversation.”

What causes the liking gap?

In his words, “You remember the comment that came out wrong or the silence that felt too long. The other person does not hear that internal criticism. They experience a conversation without knowing all the ways you believe you messed up.”

“And because you're busy evaluating your own performance, you may overlook the signs that they actually enjoyed talking with you,” he continued. “When you do not know exactly what they thought, self-criticism fills in the blank and begins speaking for them.”

How can the liking gap affect our lives?

If an individual assumes that someone did not like them, they may replay their conversations together and overanalyse everything that was said.

“That overthinking can make you less likely to reach out again, even if the other person enjoyed spending time with you,” pointed out the therapist. “So, a potential friendship can end before it has the opportunity to grow, leaving your social world smaller than it could be.”

Jeffrey cautioned that the next time we walk away from an interaction convinced that someone did not like us, we should remember that our minds may be preparing us for rejection before we have evidence of it.

“So, give them a chance to show you how they feel. They may have enjoyed your company and walked away from that same conversation hoping you like them, too,” stated the therapist.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.

Jeffrey Meltzer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida. He graduated with a Master's in Mental Health Counselling from the University of South Florida and has been providing therapy services for over seven years.