“MAN IS BY nature a social animal,” wrote Aristotle. For the most eloquent, conversation is an art. Yet many feel artless: people often wish to improve their chitchat, not least to avoid awkward or embarrassing encounters. Here are the five best things to read to make you an impressive conversationalist.
On Duties. By Cicero
“The rhetoricians give rules for oratory; there are none for conversation,” Cicero observed in this essay from 44BC (which is available to read online). He
“MAN IS BY nature a social animal,” wrote Aristotle. For the most eloquent, conversation is an art. Yet many feel artless: people often wish to improve their chitchat, not least to avoid awkward or embarrassing encounters. Here are the five best things to read to make you an impressive conversationalist.
On Duties. By Cicero
“The rhetoricians give rules for oratory; there are none for conversation,” Cicero observed in this essay from 44BC (which is available to read online). He decided to write some himself, and compiled the sort of list that self-help authors trumpet today. His rules include: never ramble; never criticise people behind their backs; never look obviously bored; and never, ever lose your temper.
The Age of Conversation. By Benedetta Craveri. New York Review Books; 508 pages; $24.95 and £23
In the salons of Paris in the late 17th and early 18th centuries, chinwagging was a high art. In this book, a historian explores “the ideal of conversation”, which combined “lightheartedness with depth, elegance with pleasure”. Benedetta Craveri explains many French terms, from politesse (good manners) to esprit (wit). “A talent for listening was more appreciated than one for speaking,” Ms Craveri reveals. Chatterboxes, take note.
How to Win Friends and Influence People. By Dale Carnegie. Gallery Books; 320 pages; $19.99. Ebury; £12.99
A teacher of public speaking decided in 1936 that Americans needed educating in “the fine art of getting along”. Dale Carnegie’s book is still in print 90 years later and has sold more than 30m copies. Carnegie offers “six ways to make people like you”, from remembering people’s names to remembering to smile and making interlocutors feel important.
Hello. By Nicholas Epley. Bodley Head; 320 pages; £22
This book argues that talking to people is not only pleasant, but potentially life-enhancing. Nicholas Epley, a behavioural scientist, argues that “social connection is the stitching that holds our lives, and our societies, together.” He corrals research to show how sociability is “a basic need on par with eating and drinking” and “more important for your happiness than even money”. This book is for anyone who would like to be more social but feels awkward reaching out.
Talk. By Alison Wood Brooks. Crown; 336 pages; $30
A professor at Harvard argues that good conversations are less about “applying a finite set of communication tactics” than “expecting problems, noticing them, and working to solve them”. After all, not every chat will be smooth or enjoyable. Instead of specific rules, she offers a broad framework—TALK—which stands for choosing good topics, asking good questions, keeping conversations light and showing kindness. Cicero would approve.
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