Rajinikanth's Lingaa: This is not a review

Rajinikanth-Sonakshi Sinha-starrer Lingaa hit theatres on the same day as the Tamil superstar celebrates his birthday on Friday. Not jokes and certainly not a review, here's a viewer's 'Rajinikanth' of Thalaiva's latest Tamil movie.

A tell-tale viewer (not a reviewer) who couldn't live tweet the movie

Rajinikanth-s-Lingaa-has-been-sucked-into-two-plagiarism-controversies-with-two-people-one-is-an-aspiring-filmmaker-KR-Ravi-Rathinam-and-the-other-is-a-writer-called-Sakthivel-claiming-that-Lingaa-is-copies-from-their-stories

Rajinikanth romanced two heroines. One third his age (approx).
Rajinikanth beat up Rajinikanth number of villains.
Rajinikanth looked like a future version of Rajinikanth.
Rajinikanth sang duets.
Rajinikanth lip-synced AR Rahman songs.
Rajinikanth looked young and beautiful.
Rajinikanth played double roles.
Rajinikanth danced.
Rajinikanth walked.
Rajinikanth took off Rajinikath's jacket. Several times.
Rajinikanth set fire.
Rajinikanth did aerobic-style dance steps.
Rajinikanth dreamt. Of dancing. In London, Brazil and Philippines.
Rajinikanth made a sting operation successful.
Rajinikanth twirled his hair.
Rajinikanth chewed up a spy cam.
Rajinikanth wore blue shades. And yellow. And green.
Rajinikanth did a Pirates of the Caribbean dream sequence.
Rajinikanth Cowboyed a dance sequence.
Rajinikanth blew apart a space station.
Rajinikanth broke into a temple.
Rajinikanth stared down a snake.
Rajinikanth read Joseph Campbell's The hero with a thousand faces.
Rajinikanth bat balled villains of a train.
Rajinikanth slow ball danced a villain atop a running train.
Rajinikanth kneecappd a couple more.
Rajinikanth built a dam.
Rajinikanth resigned from his Collector job.
Rajinikanth threw himself a birthday party.
Rajinikanth solved the water issue. And a caste problem to boot.
Rajinikanth gave a lecture on religion.
Rajinikanth integrated Indians into an India which hasn't even been born yet. Rajinikanth flew a pre-independece flag.
Rajinikanth cooked.
Rajinikanth made a houseful of guests cry. Rajinikanth saved a dam from being blown apart.
Rajinikanth rudraksh-ed a pen drive.
Rajinikanth rode a bike.
Rajinikanth landed atop a hot air balloon.
Rajinikanth bungee jumped.
Rajinikanth kicked a bomb.
Rajinikanth saved a couple million of people.

Today is Rajinikanth's birthday.

#FYI: This was not the viewer's first time watching a Tamil film in Chennai. But a first-day-seventh-show of a Rajinikanth movie - yes.

PS: No, Rajinikanth didn't pay for the review to be uploaded online. The viewer, perhaps, might have Rajinikanthed a few threats.