Rejection is good for the soul: Cyrus Broacha

Cyrus Broacha has solution for every kind of problem! Read on.

I had oral sex with my then girlfriend’s best friend in 9th grade in the peon’s room in school. We did it once again in the 10th. My girlfriend and I soon broke up and I moved on forgetting about her friend too. But now her friend wants me back. I don’t want to get involved again. She’s threatening me that she’ll talk about our intercourse to others. Please help.
—The needy
Ah, your question pertains to matters beyond my limited expertise. You see I studied at Wharton Business School as well as the Harvard School of Romance, so I stick to love and stay away from the physical expression of it. But since your limited budget leaves you no choice but myself, let me share my two bits. If she’s threatening to expose you, I say stand up to her now before things get even worse. You’ve broken up with your girlfriend so she has nothing on you. PS: The act you refer to is not intercourse. To find out more on this subject, please read Jackie Collins or Cyrus and Wagarkatti.

I have a crush on my school friend. We haven’t been in contact with each other for the past seven-eight months. I want to ask her out but her friend told me that she has deleted my number and she may also have a boyfriend. What should I do?
—Svk
Svk, let me explain the difference between a friend and a detective: (a) You pay detectives, (b) Detectives wear coats, and (c) Friends are shorter. So you can see clearly, that the old adage, a friend in need or otherwise cannot be trusted, is absolutely true. Don’t go by hearsay. Instead, hire a professional, a detective, to research your chances. Don’t worry, rejection is good for the soul.

I have been seeing a guy for the past two years. We both love each other a lot. My family is against him because he is not from our caste. A couple of priests have also told them that he is not good for me. How should I balance everything?
—HB
Do you really need me to answer? I take it you had a good education. You’re widely read? You’ve limited scientific thought? If so, then why do you bother with people who study animal entrails, or which way the wind is blowing, or planetary positions, to determine what colour underwear is safe for you to wear? Yes it’s about balance, but your parents’ thought process is completely off balance. Please welcome them to the world of rational thought. It’s easier than you think.

Just write to uncle cy. And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.