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What the modern Indian woman wants in bed

Eleven outspoken ladies let us into their deepest desires

brunch Updated: Feb 10, 2018 22:49 IST
Apurv Nagpal
Apurv Nagpal
Hindustan Times
As women talk more about their desires, they want more than spooning, we discover.(Getty Images)

Why do we even assume women would be different from men? From my understanding of the Indian woman from reading stories like the Mahabharata and looking at our temple carvings, I don’t think our women lagged behind in the days of yore. I’m glad that this resurgence after a few hundred years of inhibitions, thanks to Victorian prudishness, brings them right back to where they belong: as equal partners. They have the freedom to reveal this saucy side of their personality to the people they choose as their mates. I’ve co-authored the deliciously spicy Eighteen Plus Duets that features 18 stories, each written by a spirited woman. And all of them are first-time writers. When asked what women really want in bed, here’s what some of my co-authors had to say…

“Women have the same needs as men!”

Manali Bagawade, 25, CEO at a digital agency

Women are opening up about accepting that just like men, they have the same (or rather, more) needs. They’re bold in demanding what they feel is fun. From sexy thongs to edible lingerie, it’s not shocking to hear women recall stories of ‘last night’. Be it the 69 or the tricky catapult, women are now trying their hand (no pun intended) at various positions.

“We want mind games and orgasms”

Manu Randhawa, 46, Adventure junkie and former commercial pilot

The modern Indian woman wants the full eight-course meal! From mind games to wooing to knowing what an orgasm feels like! Anyone who thinks a woman’s G spot is down there has a thing coming: it’s all in the ‘head’ baby!

“Science of sex was taught, the art wasn’t!”

Ciza Srivatsa, 39, Real estate consultant

For Indians my age, while the science of sex was taught in school, the art wasn’t taught anywhere. The 15-year-old me couldn’t even Google ‘sex’. I was limited to watching Bollywood movies, where sexual energy was bursting at the seams.

We were expected to magically be in touch with our sexuality once married – no practice allowed. It’s like asking a person who has never been to a kitchen to cook a three-course meal. Let me say it simply, sex is good! Heck, it’s great. What do I want? I want a partner in the kitchen, who’s going to use all the ingredients, taste all the dishes, and try all the pots and pans. We should keep trying till we make the recipes our own and bring out the flavours we love!

“Stay strong, finish with aplomb”

Sukanya Duttaroy, 46, MD at an international jewellery brand

When I sat down to list what women want in the bedroom (or any other room), the list came quick and snappy. And it was the exact list I had made for a job requirement I recently posted for a fairly senior position.

It’s uncanny, but the same skill set or the lack of it can make or break a partnership, both in the boardroom and in the bedroom. Here’s how...

*Eye of the fish: A dedicated focus on the goal. A wandering mind will not find the spot.

*Out of the box: Innovation is key. Men and brands have killed more with boredom than with guns.

*Staying power: Start strong, but also stay strong and finish with aplomb.

*Fit and strong: Mental stimulation is passé at key times, so before paying attention to your loved one, love yourself enough.

*Learn on the job: Be a quick learner, adapt and develop core competencies to stay ahead of the pack.

*Energetic leader/enthusiastic team player: Toggle effectively between leading top down and working from the bottom up.

*Management skills: Have a plan in place, change paths, spring surprises, bring in external experts and focus on closure.

“Tease, role play, get some toys”

Rachna Chawla, 46, Managing consultant

Talk turns us on. And I don’t mean post-coital cuddle conversations – though those help too. Let’s face it, we know there is a movie going on in your head with stereophonic sound. Share that out loud. Whisper, groan, roar, moan, shout, sing – we want to hear it all. What you want to do, where you want to do it and how you’re going to do it. Use your imagination.

Sex can be awkward. Not like in the books. There are strange sounds, positions and things go out of control. Laugh about it. Crack a joke. The unexpectedness of it is fun and exciting! Tease, role play, get some toys. Why so serious?

Share the lead. Let me take charge, make the first move, dominate, be the one in power (yes, cuffs and chains too!) – and then swap roles. Match me, meet me where I am and then raise the bar.

“Ah, oral foreplay”

The modern Indian woman not only has a free spirit and mind but she also wants to exercise her choice of how she wants to be treated sexually.

She does not want to rush into the act. Set the mood right. Dimly-lit bedroom, fresh sheets, perhaps a massage bed on the side, fresh flowers, soft music, chilled champagne in stem glasses. Ideally, an empty house with the doorbell disarmed and all gadgets switched off.

She’d like him to take off her bathrobe and let us stand tall in lacy black lingerie while he admires her curves, twirls her around, and kisses her out of deep possession and admiration, before he moves her to the massage table, lays her down and massages her with warm, aromatic oil, one thing leading to another. Ah, oral foreplay for the maximum pleasure of both. Then relaxing in each other’s arms, sipping on champagne and listening to the music while caressing each other. And then Act 2.

“Ask me if like it…”

Shay Seher (anonymous co-author), 33, Brand manager

I have no qualms in making the first move. I want you to be more than ready for a feisty woman like me. I like to take charge, I want my man to be a Man in bed, to twist, turn and whirl me around. I want you to say those sweet nothings while making love. I want you to ask me if I like it.

Yes, I love role play. The cowgirl is my favourite. But at the end of it all, all I want is for you to look me in the eye and say that you love me. Gently, yet passionately.

I want us to get there together. Baby, I want you to last a little longer.

“What I want in bed, is sleep”

Asha Aggarwal, 49, Homemaker, former NSE trader

I’ve been married for 25 years, so I’ve evolved into a modern woman. So what I want in bed, is sleep. Of course, that’s after the hot sex. And hot it is. With both of us going through mid-life crises, changing hormone levels, and general cantankerous behaviour, we prefer to keep it short, and onwards to the blissful state of sleep.

“Enticing, alluring foreplay...”

Dr Urjita Kulkarni, 35, Homoeopathic consultant (sexology and psychiatry), runs a radio show on the subject on Vividh Bharati

What women want in bed, irrespective of era and race, is to explore. Different positions (maybe how some Kama Sutra postures really work!). Kinky stuff (BDSM), role playing. Enticing, alluring foreplay. Threesomes. Sex at different places in different situations. Accompanied with a variety in drinks and music (strawberries, cream and champagne can’t be fun every time!).

The best is sex in an open marriage/relationship; enjoying other partners without hesitation. Still, she’d adore a partner who, after all the action, walks her to her car and messages saying he had a great time. “Women want to be able to say ‘yes’ or ‘No’ and mean it”

“Women want to be able to say ‘yes’ or ‘No’ and mean it”

The title of this piece reminds me of something I heard once: ‘Woman on top – in the boardroom and in the bedroom’. Which doesn’t mean women don’t like the missionary position, but that they want to be the decision makers in the bedroom as well as in their organisations.

Women want to decide when, where, with whom and for how long. They want to be able to say ‘yes’ when they mean it, and ‘no’ when they mean it.

They want to truly enjoy their bodies, those gorgeous bodies that God created. Are men listening?

“My favourite is morning sex”

Bhawna Mohile, 43, Former French teacher bitten by the writing bug

For me, sex is fun. It’s a great mood lifter, and an awesome fitness regime! Role play keeps the fire going in a long marriage. I enjoy playing a seductress and a coy Indian bride.

I don’t take kindly to nights when my partner is unable to make me climax at least once. My favourite is morning sex, though many must cringe at the thought of kissing your partner before they’ve brushed their teeth! But believe me, there’s nothing better than waking up to soul-satisfying orgasms!

The one myth I’d like to break is that woman don’t squirt. Orgasms do exist, I’ve experienced them, and multiple times in one session. It’s gratifying, the endorphin rush is mind-numbing, and no drug can give you the same high.

(The author is based out of Pune and has worked in the corporate world in various capacities. He is also the author of Eighteen Plus Duets, a collection of short stories.)

From HT Brunch, February 11, 2018

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First Published: Feb 10, 2018 22:49 IST