Show and tell: What we can learn from Adolescence

Young people seek online spaces but at the same time get bullied, ostracized, and judged in ways that’s publicly shaming

I watched ‘Adolescence’ a couple of weeks back, and the scenes from the show have continued to linger in my mind. The show is the story of a family whose 13-year-old son is arrested for the murder of a teenage girl who is his classmate. The four episode-long mini-series unpacks this in a crisp yet delicate fashion, reflecting how complex and layered the situation is. Each frame is beautifully shot, edited but most importantly the show stays with you because it’s a haunting portrayal of vulnerable teenagers are. It’s also a wake-up call about how our digital life and real-life narratives are getting enmeshed and taking over young people’s life, and often times corroding their self-esteem.

This image released by Netflix shows Mark Stanley, from left, Owen Cooper and Stephen Graham in a scene from "Adolescence." (Netflix via AP) (AP)

I have taken some time to write this column because the show opened so many questions and reflections for me as a practicing psychologist. Every episode reminded me how our young people are being impacted by social media algorithm. They seek to soothe themselves in these online spaces but at the same time can get bullied, ostracized and judged in ways that’s publicly shaming. The show’s intense gaze underscores how the young are unable to express what they are going through in a healthy manner or address concerns that arise during adolescence. While the larger narrative of the show has focused on issues of masculinity, I feel the bigger questions it raises are around the unmet needs of our young children across gender who don’t feel seen or heard. It’s a reminder of our failure to build resilient systems where children can ask questions, challenge beliefs, find emotionally safe spaces, and more importantly, experience attunement with the larger world. We are living at a time where parents themselves are overwhelmed, struggling with fragmented attention, and being heard. The show does not blame anyone, and yet leaves us wondering: ‘To whom does the job of caring belong to?’

We don’t have the answers as yet, but we must soon. In my own practice, I have seen a significant reporting of social bullying, cyberbullying, and patterns of ‘slow fade’ where teenagers are left confused whether they are the problem. This lack of clarity leads to many of them chasing the crumbs they receive online in form of likes, followers or comments, and at other times, the illusion of power, agency and autonomy that social media offers.

Several parents have asked me whether their children can watch the show. I don’t think it’s a good idea for a young teenager to watch the show. What you can do is to talk to them about it–- about what they may have heard about the show from their peer group. As a parent, educator use these moments to engage, understand where they come from, and offer perspective around connection, identity lens, self-esteem and intimacy. A gentle exploration will remind you how your young children know so much more than you think they do, and that they live in times where their mind is busy navigating the dual challenges of adolescence and the online world.

Lastly, I hope as adults we can actually see our young children’s struggles and rather than labeling them, we can figure out ways to provide support and create a more sensitive and resilient world for them.