A Calmer You, by Sonal Kalra: Stop it, you vacation flaunters!
Please spare a thought for those who aren’t going anywhere.Updated: Jun 02, 2018 17:08 IST
If the viral, bald guy branded on social media as ‘ageless uncle’ — who is dancing better on a Govinda song than Govinda himself — had not bowled me over, I would have deactivated my FB today. I mean, seriously. I’m so, so depressed at everyone flaunting exotic vacation plans as soon as summer has started. Matlab Monaco, Arctic Circle, Pittsburg, Prague se kam toh koi baat hi nahi kar raha. Even the fakkad gareeb on my social media timelines are off to Scotland (there, I’ve said it with the fake accent). Where are all the good ol’ Mussoorie, Nainital, Shimla-goers? By the way Shimla is to be avoided because of the acute water crisis the beautiful hill station is suffering from.
Coming back to my suffering, I was really low and depressed at vacation snobs being right in my face. I looked around for a fellow depressed, and noticed my colleague Snigdha, looking as if she’s in the basement of the depression building. We soon bonded, over our lack of vacation woes. “The moment June begins, people start behaving as if those who are not going on a fancy holiday have committed a crime,” she said. And then she added, “I’m fed up of friends either flaunting their vacations, or asking others why they are spending summers here in this heat. People need to understand that there may be those who can’t afford it or don’t want to travel for some reason, or simply have stupid evil bosses who don’t grant leave.” I so wanted to continue bonding with Snigdha, but you see, I AM her boss. So this conversation left me in a pit of depression that was further down from the basement.
People, vacations are here – enjoy your travels by all means. But please spare a thought for those who aren’t going anywhere. And therefore, don’t become either of the following:
This kind of a person derives pleasure out of flaunting vacations. Vaise all of us do that to a certain extent, but this person is a human equivalent of a cloud burst of photos on social media. Chaar din ke trip ki 400 pics!!...From 27 close-ups of leaves with dew drops to 37 sunsets, this kind of person can ruin your peace by shoving holiday photos and videos up your nose. One of my ‘friends’ once posted a video of a squirrel in her ‘Spain rendezvous’ album (ugh ugh ugh), that showed up on my timeline. And as blessed with time as I am, I clicked on it. I stared at the squirrel. It was a close-up video, and the squirrel stared back. It was constantly moving her little mouth in the way…err a squirrel does. The clock ticked. I expected the squirrel to do something. Do anything. Because, you know, thanks to my overhappy-with-life friend, she was starring in an international video. But she did nothing. NOTHING in a 3-minute-27-second video that must have torturously appeared on the timelines of 800 of my friend’s FB friends. We will all conspire to stop this friend from going on a holiday for at least two years. No more rendezvous!
They announce on FB when they check-in to the international airport. Then announce checking into every stop in transit, and every hotel thereafter. Given a choice they would announce going to the loo on the Frankfurt airport. And still have several of their friends say ‘Good luck, be safe, stay blessed, enjoy while you are at it’. Itna kya sunaana hua? You just wait, I’ll also check in to Bhimtal bus adda, if FB has such an option. Then count how many responses I get.
Living question marks
Remember the Bollywood film, Judaai, where actor Paresh Rawal plays a character who has a question mark drawn on his forehead? This man endlessly asks questions about everything, so much so that others around him feel like stabbing their own gut, out of sheer irritation. Well, some people on social media are exactly like that — living question marks. They would not let vacation flaunters posts go, without asking hazaar questions about the photos, the place. Each of their question becomes a new notification for everyone else, especially for those who are already tired of feeling low because their holiday dreams remain sour. Let’s please not trouble them more. Pretty please.
Sonal Kalra is going to North Pole next week. She will take the friend with the squirrel video along. And leave her there. Mail her at sonal.kalra@ hindustantimes.com or facebook.com/sonalkalraofficial Follow on Twitter @sonalkalra