Today in New Delhi, India
Sep 23, 2018-Sunday
-°C
New Delhi
  • Humidity
    -
  • Wind
    -

From Priyanka Chopra’s Baywatch to Transformers and Pirates: The top 10 worst movies of 2017

From Priyanka Chopra’s Baywatch to Transformers: The Last Knight and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, here are the top 10 worst movies of 2017.

Year Ender 2017 Updated: Dec 26, 2017 09:10 IST
Rohan Naahar
Rohan Naahar
Hindustan Times
Worst Movies of 2017,Worst Movies 2017,Baywatch
Baywatch is a legit torture device.

As hard as one might try to avoid watching bad movies, they have a habit of sneaking up on you when you least expect them to - like some sort of ghoul from a twice rebooted horror franchise. Speaking of which, you’ll find many reboots in this list, along with unwanted sequels, cringeworthy ‘comedies’ and at least one bold ‘original’ movie.

Compiling this list was, in hindsight, a far easier task than watching these movies. And honestly, they’re some of the worst ever made (imagine, Geostorm couldn’t find spot), and each of them, on a different day, could have competed for the top spot.

A quick glance at the top 10 offers interesting insights into how Hollywood makes movies - in a nutshell, they’re all born out of greed. But for those looking for silver linings in this dumpster fire of a year can take pride in certain achievements - Universal’s Dark Universe has been axed (well done, everyone), the Pirates franchise has no plans (at least as of now) for another installment, the Transformers series got rid of Michael Bay and will focus on spinoffs, and in what has to be one of 2017’s most triumphant displays of human unity, no one turned up for Baywatch.

Without further ado, here are the top 10 worst Hollywood films of 2017 (in no particular order, except number one):

The Bye Bye Man

The Bye Bye Man is hardly a movie. To call it one would not only be blasphemous to a 100-year-old art form, but also an insult to innocuous 5-letter-words in this, or any other language.

Read our review here.

Rings

Not only does Rings utterly disrespect the fascinating lore established by its predecessors, and the Japanese source novels, it also raises an eyebrow in genuine surprise when you look around in disbelief at the sheer purposelessness of it all.

Read our review here.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

To call it a slight improvement on its predecessors is similar to declaring that you would rather have your pinkie bitten off by an infected zombie instead of your index finger, simply because it is shorter. They’re both going to hurt. Don’t stick your hand down the zombie’s mouth.

Read our review here.

Baywatch

It is said that US marines forced Saddam Hussein to watch South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut – a movie in which he is depicted as Satan’s boyfriend – over and over again in the days leading up to his hanging. However, in the future, to ease the pain of anti-terror operatives, confused by which movie to show Basher al-Assad or Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, might I suggest Baywatch.

Read our review here.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Pirates of the Caribben: Salazar’s Revenge (as it was titled here) is a film that feels twice as long as it really is, and roughly five times as boring. It’s the sort of film that, when confronted with the challenge to be creative, chooses to have its characters topple over for laughs instead.

Read our review here.

The Mummy

The Mummy is sexist. It’s also very racist. The characters are so poorly written, we don’t know a thing about them aside from what their most immediate goal is. It’s cringe-inducingly unfunny when it tries to joke, and it’s hysterical when it tries to be serious. It’s biggest blasphemy, however, is that it robs Tom Cruise of his heroism.

You can read our review here.

The Book of Henry

Director Colin Trevorrow’s head-scratchingly misguided film falls into the ‘you have to see it to believe it’ category - it’s a movie so terrible, so jaw-droppingly tone deaf that you almost expect him to lose the Star Wars gig based on it. Oh, wait.

Transformers: The Last Knight

It took six human beings to edit together this heap of rusty scrap metal into a whole, possibly with hammers and screws. It took four people to write it, and thousands to composite its undeniably magnificent special effects, and yet, the one man whose job it was to bring it all together, was busy flexing his muscles and smouldering at his own reflection in the mirror. Michael Bay earned a paycheck, as did the rest of his cast.

Read our review here.

The Emoji Movie

It’s the poop emoji personified.

Read our review here.

Daddy’s Home 2

In which alleged domestic abuser Mel Gibson encourages a child to commit sexual assault in a post-Harvey Weinstein world. Let that sink in.

Read our review here.

Stay tuned for our list of the best films of 2017, coming soon.

Follow @htshowbiz for more
The author tweets @RohanNaahar

First Published: Dec 26, 2017 09:10 IST