Feel like you know your new date forever? Therapist shares 4 things in early relationships that may mean something else

Not all expressions of love carry their apparent meaning in the early days of a romantic relationship, explains Jeff Guenther.

It is said that one must think with the head and love with the heart, and never the other way around. As such, love does not really come with a rule book.

However, there might be some things that may be said and done in early relationships, which, when analysed, can be less romantic than they appear. Taking to Instagram on July 2, Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, shared four such things.

1. ‘I feel like I've known them forever’

The statement is right out of any romantic film and has been used by countless people to describe their partners. However, the statement is not as reassuring for the therapist as it might be for a friend.

As Jeff explained, “That familiar feeling isn't always fate. Sometimes your nervous system recognises them because they're doing the same chaotic stuff your childhood did. You're not in love, you're home. And home was a mess. Slow down and ask if this feels familiar because it's right or just because it's familiar.”

2. ‘I've never felt this sure about someone in my life’

Yet another very common declaration of affection, when the expression is used in the early days of a relationship, it might not necessarily be true.

As the therapist asked, “Sure about what, though? You've known them for six weeks. You're not sure about them. You're sure about the highlight reel they're showing you, or you're projecting onto them.”

“Give it a beat before you decide a literal stranger is your soulmate. Engage in curiosity about who they actually are when you fly off into fantasy land,” he suggested.

3. Texting ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ every single day

According to Jeff, when this happens in the later stage of a relationship, it is perfectly fine and positively cute. This is something that comes when a couple has woven themselves into each other’s lives.

However, starting this within days of getting into a relationship might not be the same thing. “Kind of feels a bit like surveillance with like emojis or something. It's okay to say, ‘Let's chill on the texts until we've defined this relationship,’” shared the therapist.

4. ‘I've gotten really good at reading their mood the second they walk in’

“Okay, but why does your body already need that skill?” asked Jeff. If a couple has been dating for a month and one of them says this, it might suggest that they have unknowingly developed a threat detection system.

“That's not attentiveness,” he noted. “That's your nervous system clocking that you might not be safe. Pay attention to that because it could be a warning.”

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice.

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