Stuck at the ‘just-talking’ stage of dating? Study reveals what it says about you

It is more common than you think and looks like a by-product of technology's effect on dating landscape.

Technology has changed the dating landscape, from dating apps popping up every day to new social media trends like Get Ready with Me for a Date. Dating apps especially opened up the potential of countless different matches. But in hindsight, this creates a static stage in a relationship, perpetually stuck at the talking stage. The study published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy revealed this pre-dating tradition of chatting online. Here’s how this ‘just talking’ stage is an unwanted anchor for your relation-ship.

The just-talking stage of getting to know is a lot longer than traditional dating process. (Pexels)

Low commitment

Researcher D. Scott Sibley explained that this just-talking stage is a way to keep things light and casual, keeping commitment at bay. And this slows down the dating process more than the traditional pace. There’s a lack of clear vision for the relationship, letting ambiguity take the wheel.

The researchers found that many of their participants preferred the traditional way of dating over the just-talking stage, but with the intrusion of digital technology, it inevitably slides and lingers in the just-talking stage. The researchers described that social media and other digital technology ‘filtered’ the relationship process. He added that factors like fear of rejection and the desire to keep options open are contributing to this trend. Fear of rejection is one of the key reasons for this trend as they have options before putting all the eggs in one basket.

D. Scott Sibley added a snippet of one of the participants from the study. “Previous generations probably didn’t have just talking stages. Now people, I think, are more afraid of commitment and like…exploring their options. So that’s why I think the just-talking stage is so common. That’s kind of what people do now before they start going on dates, or even if they are just talking, and it doesn’t end up working out…I just think it’s really interesting how much the norms have shifted.”

Here to stay

The researchers explained how it’s vital to define the relationship instead of drifting aimlessly. This involves discussing the way forward and addressing commitment. However, they noted that this trend is here to stay and is not necessarily negative, as this pre-dating behaviour helps in screening potential matches in pursuit of genuine compatibility. Still, they cautioned that it slows down the relationship process, delaying the future of the relationship, such as marriage.